Clinging to the Future
by MadeintheUS
Summary: Alex and Piper survive Paris and Alex thought life was good until her past suddenly comes crashing in on her ten years later when she's least expecting it. How will Piper handle the various stresses of life while her girlfriend is put in prison? Will the strain this puts on their relationship be what ends it? Rated M for language, drug use, and sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

_**Clinging to the Future**_

 _ **Chapter 1**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 _She spent her twenty-third birthday wondering if the life she had known before meeting Alex in that shitty college bar was all a dream because she didn't feel like she was actually living until she met her._

 _She spent her twenty-sixth birthday trying to cope without that seductive, raven-haired goddess she had gotten so used to over the past three years. She was nearing the point where she just couldn't bear to compete with Alex's monster of a job anymore._

 _She spent her thirty-second birthday between the confines of four wooden walls surrounded by a massive ocean being showered with love and passion from Alex. They had gone to Cambodia, a place that Alex had bookmarked as Piper's favorite place since the first time they visited years ago._

 _Now she was spending her thirty-seventh birthday sitting across from her girlfriend in a beige-walled prison for the very first time, their two month old daughter sleeping soundly in Alex's arms. She had thought things had finally levelled off in their lives and everything would be smooth from there on out, but it had all seemed to fall apart again._

* * *

The door being kicked in and Alex's name being shouted was the least of her worries.

The swarms of cops and agents pouring through every crevice of her home with their guns drawn wasn't at the top of the list either.

Seeing her girlfriend being lifted off the couch and thrown against the wall by these men was what sent her mind into overdrive. They repeatedly asked her to stand back as they apprehended her partner and refused to answer any of her questions.

Piper could see Alex physically struggling. The side of her face was smashed against the white textured wall of their living room. Fear was ever present in her emerald orbs. Multiple sets of blue and red flashing lights were pouring into the living room through open curtains. Officers were asking her questions, but all she could do was focus on Alex.

They had been enjoying a nice quiet night while watching the food channel after a walk around the park across the street when they were interrupted. The couple had been having an affable conversation about work as well but that was cut short.

"Alex Vause, you're under arrest for heroin trafficking under the command of Kubra Balik." A man in uniform clicked the cuffs around the brunette's wrists, but still kept her firm against the wall. There were teams of agents searching every nook and cranny of their Brooklyn brownstone.

Instantly, Piper's stomach violently flipped to where she had to swallow back the bile that rose in her throat. She hadn't heard that repugnant name in over ten years. She and Alex rarely talked about her past career. It had been a tiring and sinister adventure leaving the cartel and it was something they both didn't wish to endure again.

"Piper." Alex was sweating, tears streaming down her cheeks. There were so many officers around the brunette that the blonde couldn't reach her. She was pinching herself trying to wake up from this horrific dream, but it was actually reality.

"Ms. Chapman, please stay out of the way." Before Piper could utter a word, she was being pushed back towards the couch. Books were being opened, drawers were being pulled, baskets were being upturned, yet the agents weren't finding anything conducive.

Part of the blonde wanted to stand up for her girlfriend, but she also knew she should keep her mouth shut considering she had once smuggled drug money for the same cartel across foreign borders.

"Ms. Vause will be taken down to the city jail and be placed in holding. She'll be able to contact you from there." The officer released Alex from the wall, and Piper could see her girlfriend visibly shaking. She was refusing to speak unless it was simple questions like her name or birthdate.

"Can I hug her?" Piper had tears streaming down her face. She was truly fucking scared for what this meant for the future and the present.

"I'm afraid not, ma'am. Our orders were to extract the criminal and leave." Two officers pushed Alex towards the front door.

"Let me talk to her." Bile was rising up in Piper's throat once again at how angry she was. She attempted to push past the officers but another two pushed her back, stating that if she continued to get in the way, she'd be charged with being uncooperative on the scene.

"We have-." She was cut off again, but this time an officer pushed her to sit down on the couch. "Please." She begged.

The tears began to pour as she felt her whole being crumble from the inside out. She was overwhelmed, confused, and concerned all at once. Seeing the love of her life being shoved around and put in handcuffs wasn't something she handled lightly.

"Piper, I love you." Alex cried as they escorted her out the door and down the front steps of their home.

"I love you, too." Piper stood up from the couch with her hands threaded through her hair, blue eyes sparkling with tears. She was to the point of pulling her hair out. Ten minutes ago, everything had been peaceful, but now it was a fiasco. She didn't have answers to any of her questions, and she was ready to scream.

She could see her girlfriend being placed into the back of a cop car, tears continuing to stream down her face.

"Ms. Chapman, we're sorry to come in like this, but your partner is being charged with heroin trafficking…" The officer continued on, but Piper heard none of it. All she could do was watch Alex fall apart in the back of the cop car and her eyes stayed glued to her until the car disappeared down the street.

The blonde signed a few forms and let the officers out. She couldn't even properly lock her front door due to it being kicked down upon the officer's entry.

As soon as the last officer had stepped off the porch, Piper slid her back down the front door until her butt hit the ground and her knees were bent in front of her face. She felt useless and completely mortified at what she just had to witness. Her mind was racing as to who could've turned Alex in? What were the statute of limitations in New York?

Piper's mind continued to race and the tears continued to pour until she heard one of the upstairs bedrooms doors creak open.

Her heart began to pound as she quickly stood up, grabbing the umbrella from beside the door and bounding up the stairs. She peeked into the open doored room and found it empty.

When she crossed the hallway, she found herself in front of the master bedroom and the door was closed. She didn't remember closing it earlier on in the evening.

By now, her heart was threatening to beat out of her chest. She touched the door knob and gently turned it. Her eyes immediately fixed on the lump in the middle of the bed. Piper could faintly hear the soft whispers and whines coming from beneath comforter.

"It's okay, P. I got you."

The closer the blonde walked towards the bed, the more clearly she could hear her four year old. She quietly set down the umbrella before reaching for the comforter.

Gently, the blonde peeled back the covers and was greeted with the sight of her four year old, Andrew, laying nose to nose with his month old sister, Penelope. The little boy was softly running his hand down the side of the whimpering infants face, attempting to console her.

Piper figured her son had retrieved Penelope from her bassinette beside the bed and put her under the covers with him as a form of protection for the both of them. The fact that he had picked his newborn sister up and moved her was completely absent from her mind, but the fact that he had taken on the protector role was at the foremost part of her brain.

"Drew." The mother whisper, lovingly running a hand down her son's head. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"Mommy, they took mama." His face was so full of concern as he sat up and instantaneously Piper's heart shattered into even smaller pieces that he witnessed his mother be escorted out of their home in handcuffs. Drew didn't let his hand stop the soothing motions he was delivering to his sister's head.

"I know, babe." Piper bit back the tears, hoping he wouldn't go any further. She wasn't sure if she could take it. "Did you get Penelope out by yourself?"

Drew nodded as he bowed his head. "I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to. She was crying."

"No, baby its fine." Piper sat down on the bed, cupping her son's cheeks and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You're not in trouble."

Drew nodded again, his features lightening back up.

"Thank you for calming her down." The blonde readjusted the swaddle around Penelope that had likely come undone when Drew retrieved her from the bassinette and pulled her in close.

"Mommy, where's mama?" The four year old sat up on his knees and cupped his mother's cheeks. "Did she do something bad? Is that why the police man came and took her away?"

The tears welled back up in the blonde's eyes. When she blinked, one fell from each eye. She was struggling with how to tell her son anything about what was going. She could barely understand herself so how was a four year old supposed to understand? A child who is not told where their mother is may worry and imagine things which may be much worse and Piper knew this would be Drew's case.

"Uh," Piper breathed, trying to compose herself. "Mama made some bad choices a long time ago and now those bad choices are making her have consequences. You know like when you make a bad choice? You have consequences depending on what you did?"

"Uh huh." Drew ran his hand down Piper's arm, trying to console her just as he did his sister.

"I just want you to know that none of this is you or your sister's fault. Do you understand?"

"Yes, mommy." The four year old yawned. It was just after eleven and he had likely been woken up from the intrusion and then ran to where his sister was.

Piper felt like such a shitty mother. Her oldest had to watch his mother get arrested, and stayed awake to be with his sister. She was sure he was exhausted, but she knew they couldn't stay in this house tonight with the doors being kicked in. Nor did she _want_ to stay in this house.

"Why don't you go get a bag of toys packed and I'll pack you and your sister's clothes? I think we're gonna see if we can stay with Aunt Polly tonight, kay?" Piper smiled as best she could. She knew she needed to be strong for her children, especially her son.

Drew smiled back, his blue orbs glimmering in the pale moonlight filtering in through the blinds.

Piper watched her son bounce off the bed and run across the hall to his room. Oh how she wished she could be in as good of spirits as he still was.

She couldn't help but let herself momentarily break with her daughter peacefully sleeping in her arms. Tears poured down her face as she tried hard to muffle her sobs to not wake up Penelope, but she couldn't bring herself to set her down.

The blonde nuzzled her daughter attempting to let the intoxicating baby smell wash over her senses in hopes to calm her down, but it only caused her to cry harder when a terrifying reality hit her.

* * *

A/N: Lots of mixed emotions on this one. I've had it sitting in my folder for over a year, but I'm interested to see what you guys think.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: You guys are awesome. Thanks so much for the support on this story.

Flashbacks are in _italics_ , but also marked with the time difference.

 _ **Clinging to the Future**_

 _ **Chapter 2**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 _ **Mid-April**_

Getting out of the cartel had never felt so good, yet things weren't as good as she dreamed them to be. Piper had given her an ultimatum when they were at a standstill in their relationship. The blonde felt as if she was competing with Alex's job for attention, and the brunette made the decision that her girlfriend was what was more important. She pictured a life with her and then some.

Although she was living in a suitable Brooklyn Brownstone, it still wasn't what she had expected. This life wasn't what she expected. Alex had expected herself and Piper to be retired and spending their time between a tropical oasis and New York. Instead, she and Piper had decided to embark on the journey of parenthood the year after escaping the cartel and nine months later they were parents to Andrew Henry. They had originally settled for one, but the blonde and her ability to manipulate won Alex over. So three years after Andrew was born, they tried for one more and higher powers gave them the opportunity to be mothers to Penelope Diane.

The only thing keeping the brunette sane as she sat in that cold and creaky holding cell of the Brooklyn jail was thinking of her girlfriend and two kids. The fact that she now could add two kids to the end of a statement when introducing her girlfriend, was still hard for her to grasp. Alex Vause; a forty-two year old ex international drug dealer, had a girlfriend of almost fifteen years, a four year old son who had just celebrated his birthday two weeks ago, and a one month old daughter that she was in complete awe over.

The phrase _one month old daughter_ was what was scaring her the most. Here she was, in her forties, sitting in a holding cell on her way to prison for God knows how long, and she had only got to spend one month with her newest bundle of joy. Part of her wondered if this is what she deserved or if someone was trying to tell her that she would've ended up corrupting her two kids. The other part of her felt so fucking shitty for leaving Piper behind with two young children, especially a newborn.

The only thing Alex could find herself thankful for at the moment was the ticking clock outside the holding cell. She had been sitting in that small cell by herself for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality, it had only been three hours and forty seven minutes, but who was counting. She was worried about her girlfriend, she was worried about her kids, and she was ultimately worried about how this was going to affect her life and everyone in it.

The state of New York could only hold her for thirty six hours before seeing a judge, but she didn't know why she was still counting down the minutes. Being arrested for heroin trafficking was automatic time in prison, so there really was no reason to be hopeful. She had seen this happen to too many of her co-workers throughout the years she was in the cartel, but she had never expected it to happen to her.

* * *

Penelope Diane. They called her "P" for short. She was tiny, and she had the blondest hair and bluest eyes; she was a spitting image of Piper. Considering she was still so new, Penelope spent most of her days sleeping and eating, and her mother had no qualms about spending her days watching her little one sleep. Currently, it was the only thing keeping her occupied from her overactive mind.

Piper's thumb would slowly stroke up and down the side of Penelope's small, delicate face as she palmed it in her hand. The infant was wrapped in her swaddle, laying in the crook of her mother's arm. On the other side of her, Andrew laid fast asleep. They were all crammed in Polly's full size guest bed in her basement, but that was okay with the blonde. She didn't want to leave her kids sight, and for once, she wanted her children to invade her personal space while she laid with them. She wanted them to feel safe, to feel secure, and to feel completely loved after the events of the night, especially Andrew.

Andrew was small for his age, but he was fierce. He could stand up for himself and could recite a whole dinosaur encyclopedia to you if you asked him to. His eyes were similar to Piper's, yet had a hint of hazel around the rim and his hair was more of a dirty blonde. Drew took his role as a big brother very seriously. When they introduced Penelope to him for the first time, he never took his eyes off of her and was so very conscious of every jerk, whine, or sigh she made.

They had arrived at Polly's just after midnight and the shorter brunette had welcomed the family into her home with open arms, but it didn't take her long before Piper was faced with that I told you so attitude. Typically Polly Harper behavior. The blonde hadn't had the energy to argue back, but just continued escorting her kids down to the basement.

It was just after six in the morning, and Piper hadn't slept a wink. Her phone never left her sight, in hopes that Alex would call, but the call never came. She had simply watched her kids chests rise and fall all night in between nursing and changing Penelope. Physically, she was exhausted, but mentally, her mind was going one hundred miles an hour. All night she had held Penelope or laid nose to nose with Drew while delivering the same soothing touches to his face as he was to his sister just hours before.

"Pipes?" Piper was broken from her trance and slowly rolled over to not cause any pain to her abdomen, considering she was only five weeks postpartum.

Polly was standing at the bottom of the stairs clad in a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt with her hair in a messy top bun. Her keys were dangling from the tips of her fingers.

"Let's go get breakfast." The brunette's eyes were soft, and her voice was quiet.

"I'm okay." The blonde waved her hand and turned back over to face her sleeping children.

"Pipes, I'm not asking you." The other woman in the room walked closer. "Pete can watch the kids."

Piper sighed. Polly wasn't going to let up.

The mother of two pressed a kiss to each of her children's cheeks before reluctantly dragging herself out of bed.

…

The whole car ride to the small donut shop around the corner from Polly's townhouse was full of tension, yet a part of Piper felt some sort of relief. She had made it through the night. Lots of tears had been shed, but she had lived to see another day.

"Pipe?" Polly finally broke the overwhelming tension in the vehicle. She knew her friend was holding in so much, and she'd rather Piper blow up at her than one of her children. "How're you doing?"

 _How was she doing?_ Piper thought. The blonde could give her a list full of words, but nothing could describe the insurmountable pain she was feeling at that very moment, and that feeling only continued to thrive on with that same intensity. A part of her felt broken. Dead. Lost. Her girlfriend and the mother of her children was harshly taken away from her very unexpectedly. There really were no sentences or words she could vocalize that would portray any amount of how she felt.

"I hurt." Was all the mother of two could murmur, tears instantly come flooding back. "I feel helpless. I feel like a shitty mother…Andrew fucking saw his mother being arrested. Do you know how fucking bad that makes me feel, Polly?"

The levee had broken and the tears were flowing full force. The more she continued to ramble, the more upset she became, but maybe this was what she needed. Was to get it all out. Sure she had cried sporadically throughout the night, but she hadn't expressed herself to this extent in fear of waking up her two kids. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, yet she continued on.

"We have a four year old and a _newborn_ , Polly. I can't do this by myself." The blonde pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her feet upon the dash. Her cries were becoming so violent she could barely breathe. "I can't be a single mother. We were supposed to be doing this together."

Polly pulled into a parking spot, but continued to stay quiet. Her heart broke for Piper. It truly did. She couldn't imagine what her friend was going through. When she had received the phone call about what had happened, she hadn't even let Piper ask before practically commanding her to come stay at her house for the night.

"All night, I couldn't keep myself from thinking about everything she's gonna miss." The blonde used her t-shirt to wipe her nose. "Drug charges, especially for heroin trafficking, you don't get just a little slap on the wrist. They're gonna send her to prison for a minimum of three years from what I could tell in everything I read. Drew starts kindergarten in a year. She's gonna miss his first day of school. She's gonna miss _every single_ milestone that Penelope is gonna hit during her first year. I want her to be there, Pol. I want her to be there _so fucking badly_. I thought all of this was behind us."

The other woman in the car couldn't help but grab her best friends hand and shed a few tears with her. There weren't any words she could think of to reassure her friend at the moment. She didn't have to say anything at all really, but she was there for Piper to do this. To vent. To rage. To scream. To cry. To yell. She offered a listening ear and no judgement because that's how Piper had treated her when Pete had unexpectedly left for Alaska immediately after their son Finn was born seven years ago.

* * *

 _ **5 years previous, early December**_

" _Pipes?"_

 _Alex squinted, through the morning sun that was peeking through the curtains. Her arm ran over her girlfriends spot in their bed next to her and it was cold. That didn't surprise her._

 _Sitting up slowly, she noticed the bathroom door was shut and there was a small amount of light shining beneath it. The clock on the shelf beside the door read six-thirty a.m. The blonde usually woke up at seven to begin getting ready to head to Popi, but with recent events that had seem to change._

 _Like clockwork, the moment Alex's feet touched the ground as she crawled out of bed, she could hear Piper begin to heave. This had been their routine every day for the past five months and it didn't seem to be letting up anytime soon. The raven-haired woman would wake up moments before their unborn child would start giving Piper trouble and she'd spend her morning holding hair or fetching whatever morning sickness remedy Piper wanted to try that morning from what they had deemed the 'morning sickness cabinet'. They had tried what seemed like everything, but Alex wasn't going to argue with the pregnant woman._

 _When the older woman quietly entered the bathroom, she found her lover sitting with her back against the edge of the tub with her head lulled back and her eyes closed._

" _Hey." Alex lightly nudged the blonde's calf with her foot. "Doing okay?"_

" _Peachy." Piper sarcastically grinned as best she could._

 _The brunette chuckled lightly before moving to sit behind her girlfriend on the lip of the tub, but her laughter was quickly put to an end when the blonde began to heave again._

" _He's gonna pay for this."_

 _ **He.**_ _Alex still hadn't gotten used to the fact that they had just recently learned they were going to be first time parents to a little boy. She was scared shitless. She had thought they had been crazy and even somewhat insane since they began to talk about having their own child. It had taken Piper quite some time to convince her, but here they were, five months along expecting a little boy in mid-April._

" _Look on the bright side, it means your placenta is developing well." Alex rubbed Piper's back, in hopes to help her feel better. She wasn't lying. The brunette was running through at least two baby books a week in hopes to decrease the chances of royally fucking up their child._

 _Piper could only shoot her lover an unfriendly glare before her attention returned back to what the inside of their porcelain toilet bowl looked like, a view she had become very well acquainted with._

* * *

"Andrew can sleep in Finn's room so you don't have to cram into that small bed with him and the baby." Pete's thick Australian accent quietly drifted across the kitchen as the two women retrieved their donuts and croissants from the brown paper bags. Penelope was sleeping soundly against a soft pink blanket draped over his shoulder while Drew was still fast asleep downstairs. Piper wanted to go check on him. She didn't want him to wake up alone. "Finn can move to the top bunk and Andrew can sleep on the bottom."

"We're fine." Piper shrugged, tear stains still prevalent on her opaque face. She was continually impressed at how Pete had turned into such an involved dad after him and Polly had gone through their rough patch after their son was born. She had been the one to help Polly with her newborn son seven years ago. "Finn has school and I don't want Andrew keeping him up. I need to go pick up some things from the house later today so I can grab her pack n' play. That should free up some space."

Polly rubbed a hand down Piper's back, noticing how she was still struggling with the current situation. When the brunette friend had finally found the words to say to her friend while they were in the car, she had told Piper that she wanted her and her children to stay with them for however long they needed. Polly knew what it was like to care for a newborn by herself, but she couldn't imagine what it would be like while also juggling the needs of a four year old.

The shorter, brown-haired woman had also told Piper that she would extend her maternity leave another six weeks, but she didn't have to use up all the time. Technically, the state of New York didn't have a maternity leave law, but allowed male and female workers to request up to twelve unpaid weeks off to care for their newborn. With Alex also working at Popi as the shipping supervisor they had been able to easily make it financially without Piper's salary, but now without Alex's salary, Piper was beginning to worry about their finances. Any drug money the brunette had after exiting the cartel was used on vacations and expendable items. Ten years later, none of that money was left. When they rented their brownstone, purchased their car, and decided to start a family, they had started from the dirt and worked their way up and saved in order to attain everything they currently had. One of Piper's requests when settling down was that they do it honestly and not with dirty money.

The blonde had told Polly this morning that she had already decided she wanted to move out of their brownstone despite how much it would hurt her emotionally. They had started their family in that house and enjoyed every single milestone along the way, but now all Piper could see was their doors being kicked in and her girlfriend being shoved against the wall. But Polly had told her to wait until they knew more about Alex's situation.

"Pipes why don't you eat some breakfast and then take a nap. Pete and I can take care of P and feed the boys when they wake up." The other woman in the room sat down next to Piper at the kitchen island and pushed a coffee and croissant towards her.

"I'm okay, Pol." Piper shook her head at the food. Just looking at the croissant made her stomach churn.

"Okay…" Polly nodded. She knew not to push the blonde. "At least go take a nap, please. I know you're exhausted."

"You got her, Pete?" Piper stood up from the island, ensuring she had her cell phone in her sweats pocket. She walked closer to the pair and ran a gentle hand over the downy hairs on her daughter's head before opening the refrigerator for a bottle of water.

"Yeah." Pete smiled while glancing at the little girl on his shoulder who was still fast asleep. "I think we'll be 'right."

"Thank you." The drained blonde murmured towards Polly and Pete before opening the door to the basement.

When Piper reached the bottom of the stairs, she stopped for a moment. Her oldest was beginning to stir beneath the covers. The blonde quietly removed her shoes before gently entering the bed and scooting closer to his side. She laid her head upon the same pillow his was laying on and a hand instantly went to stroking his face.

"Hi, mommy." Andrew smiled, opening his eyes for the first time that morning.

"Hi, sweetie." Instantly seeing her child's smile helped to ward off a small portion of her worries. Piper pressed a small kiss to Drew's nose. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Mhmm." The boy nodded, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He hadn't woke up once throughout the night when his sister would start to fuss. "Where's baby Penelope?"

"She's upstairs with Aunt Polly and Uncle Pete. There's donuts upstairs if you want one."

Drew's eyes lit up. It was like the events of last night didn't even phase him, but Piper had to stop and remind herself that children his age are very resilient. She made a mental note to routinely check in with him to make sure he was emotionally doing okay.

After Piper had been told she was having a little boy, multiple people explained that there was a distinct and personal bond between a mother and son from the very first time they meet. When Andrew was born, Piper instantly knew what those people had been talking about. There is this unconditional, unexplainable kind of love. It isn't felt in every moment of every single day, but the flame never dies.

…

After a two hour nap that could've been longer, but was cut short by a wailing newborn being brought to her, Piper felt a smidge better now that she had gotten a little bit of sleep. She was still physically and mentally exhausted, but her child's needs took priority.

"Hi, baby." Piper gazed down at her newborn whose eyes were open for once while she nursed. They were big and blue, and the mother could tell those little eyes were growing more curious about the world around her each day. Penelope was dressed in a white, footed onesie that had pink polka-dots covering it. Drew had picked it out for Piper before they left their house last night.

The blonde nursed her baby for thirty minutes until she got her fill and then Polly was right back downstairs wishing to have her back.

"Feeling better?" Polly cradled a freshly changed and swaddled Penelope in her arms.

"A little." Piper nodded.

"Good…You know you're welcome here as long as you need to, Piper. Don't try to do this all by yourself. We want to help."

Piper could only nod again.

"Thanks, Pol."

After the pair left, Piper took a moment to relax back down in the bed. She could hear that both boys were now awake and playing in the living room above her. Piper was overwhelmed with relief that Finn was only three years older than Andrew. It gave her son an outlet for his energy and gave him an opportunity to forget about what he had witnessed.

Forty-five minutes later, it was mid-morning, and Piper found herself driving the short fifteen minute route to her home from Polly's. She needed to pick up the playpen and its bassinette attachment for Penelope as well as diapers and other baby necessities considering they were going to be staying with Polly for an extended period of time until she could figure out what they were going to do. Andrew had requested that she bring him his dinosaur collection and a coloring book.

When she pulled up to the curb of their brownstone, she couldn't help but feel herself become overwhelmed again. The front and back door had been repaired late last night (Thanks to Pete) from where they had both been kicked in, but she couldn't keep herself from replaying the memory of the SWAT team and police officers invading her home.

It took ten minutes for Piper to muster up the courage to get out of the borrowed SUV from Polly and walk up the front steps to their door. The second she walked through the threshold, she couldn't help but feel her bottom lip quiver and the tears begin to trickle down her cheeks. Just seeing the place where Alex was violently shoved against caused a wet sob to escape.

Her phone going off in her back pocket immediately grabbed her attention. But she knew a text notification wouldn't be Alex.

 **From Polly: Grab bottles**

Momentarily, Piper was distracted enough to remember to grab her pump too so Penelope wouldn't have to strictly nurse all the time. The blonde worked quickly to gather everything she could foresee her and her children needing. There was a point when she was loading the SUV that she didn't think she'd have room for everything she was bringing. In all honesty, she was taking as much as she could, but not knowing how long they would be staying at Polly's and her extreme want to stay away from this house, Piper grabbed extra of everything she could.

There were three suitcases and two smaller bags for herself and the kids, boxes of diapers and wipes were stacked in the front seat, clothes of all sizes were still hanging on hangers as they were draped across the back seat, and different sizes of toys for both kids were scattered throughout. The fact that Piper had just had a baby five weeks ago and she was doing this all on her own gave her some sort of motherly strength and courage to keep going.

Just as Piper was about to lock up and head back to Polly's, her phone began to ring. Her heart had never jumped into her throat so fast. The unknown number had to be Alex. It had been over twelve hours and she still hadn't heard from her. It was also a Wednesday morning, so surely the judge was already seeing the people who were booked in the last twelve hours.

"Hello?" The nanosecond after she spoke seemed like a lifetime.

"Pipes?" Alex's frail voice drifted in from the other side of the line.

"Alex." The blonde sighed, tears once again welling up in her eyes. Instantly it felt like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay." Alex sounded so tired, and Piper could hear her holding back her own tears. "I only have a few minutes. I'm in a holding cell outside the court room. This is my attorney's phone number, so you have it for future reference."

"You're about to see the judge?" Piper sobbed. She couldn't bear to hold it in any longer. Considering everything had happened just a mere twelve hours ago, the blonde still couldn't believe this was a reality and hearing her girlfriend say that she was about to face the judge was a shot to her heart.

"Piper, please don't cry." Alex's voice was helpless.

"Everything happened so fast, Alex." Piper cried. She felt like a hot knife was being jabbed into her midsection repeatedly. "I didn't know how to help you. I called and they said you had no bail. The internet is saying you could serve five years to life. Alex, how am I supposed to do this?"

"I know." Alex sniffled. "I know…My attorney is trying to work all of it out. I'll be able to call you after the arraignment. The county jail has video visitation you can do from home as well."

"Okay." The blonde's sobs were lessening, but she was still having trouble catching her breath. "We're staying at Polly's so I'll be there."

"Okay." Alex went silent for a few seconds. "Piper, I'm _so_ sorry."

"Tell me everything's gonna be okay." The blonde begged.

* * *

A/N: Wow! I definitely wasn't expecting this story concept to go over as well as it has.

Thank you guys so much for your reviews! I'm excited to be exploring a new twist on domestic.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Not feeling so hot about this chapter, but i'll let you be the judge of that.

 _ **Clinging to the Future**_

 _ **Chapter 3**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

She felt truly vanquished. She felt as if she was a fuck-up. A fuck-up of person, a fuck-up of a girlfriend, and a fuck-up of a mother. Alex's attorney, a short and stubby man, but nice, had told her to not say a word to the judge, unless asked, and if she felt the need to include anything, she'd have to tell him quietly.

Alex was in desperate need of a shower, or at least a change of clothes. She had now been in the attire she had gotten arrested in (which was a Popi t-shirt and skinny jeans) for twenty four hours. If she would've had to stay in that jail cell any longer, she was sure she'd have a panic attack.

The whole time she stood in that cold, chilling court room, she could taste the bile in the back of her throat, just threatening to lurch forward if she opened her mouth an inch. Just a mere twelve hours ago she was sitting on the couch, unwinding from a stressful day at Popi and suddenly her life changed in the blink of an eye. Her mind constantly raced as to how her girlfriend and her kids were doing and what kind of effect this would have on them.

She was the fourth person in line to see the judge that morning, and the mere looks of the judge didn't make her feel any better. She was an older woman, most likely in her late sixties. She had powder white hair and her skin and eyes were obviously aged. Her demeanor wasn't a friendly one either.

The courtroom itself felt as if it was designed to evoke emotions with the judge sitting above you and everyone focused on you. Granted, everyone else in the courtroom were also people who had spent the previous night or nights in jail,

When she stepped up to the bench, the first thing the older judge had instantly told Alex was that drug crimes were among the worst crimes in her book and that did nothing to decrease her anxieties.

She only hoped her bald-headed attorney could make something go in their favor.

* * *

After her phone call with her girlfriend, Piper sunk to the floor of her brownstone entry way, completely devastated. Things just seemed to be getting worse by the hour. Her girlfriend had sounded so distant and vulnerable, while also giving no information on her impending charges. There was no telling how much longer Piper would have to wait until Alex called her again. Was it going to be an hour? A day? A month? All these unknown details were eating at her and she was only fifteen hours into this completely overwhelming process.

The blonde didn't realize how long she had sat on the floor until Polly had called. She had attempted to lighten up her voice, but her friend had seen right through her. It wasn't until the shrill screams of her newborn filtered into the phone from the background that she registered that she'd been away from Polly's for more than two hours. Penelope had a pretty consistent schedule and she always let it be known what she wanted.

"I'll be there in fifteen to twenty minutes. Try giving her a pacifier. There's some in her diaper bag." Piper quickly ran through each room of the house to ensure she grabbed the essentials. "I'm sorry, Pol. Alex called and I lost track of time."

"No worries, Pipe. Just come feed your child." There was no trace of anger or irritation in Polly's voice. "Also, Andrew keeps asking where A-L-E-X is..."

"Shit." Piper sunk down once again, but this time onto a stair. "Pol, he's so little, I don't know how to explain all of this to him. He probably just thinks that she'll come walking in the door at any minute and we'll go back home and everything will go back to normal."

A shrill scream could be heard clearly over the phone.

"Pipes, we can talk about this when you get here. Please just hurry."

…

When the blonde arrived back at Polly's, she could hear her baby screaming from outside the front door. Penelope's wails were making her feel horrible already. As soon as she stepped foot in the living room, she could see Andrew sitting right up next to Polly pressing soft kisses to his sisters head, her crying and jerking around not even phasing him.

"Hey." Piper cooed, instantly reaching for her newborn once she got close enough. She instantly rubbed her nose along Penelope's cheek, hoping the gentle affection would ease up her wails. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm here."

"Mommy, I put her socks on her because her feet were cold." Andrew was quick to scoot over on the loveseat and gently pat the space next to him. He was dressed in a pair of black athletic shorts and a gray New York Yankees t-shirt. Alex had taken him to a game (which happened to be the Yankees opening weekend), per his request for his birthday three weeks ago, and when they arrived home, they had brought back shirts for everyone. They even had a onesie for his two week old baby sister.

"Thanks, babe." The blonde's hand absentmindedly travelled down to Penelope's feet to find that they were indeed covered. Words couldn't express how thankful she was to have Andrew. He was a tremendous help every single minute of every single day, and now even more so after Alex being arrested. The four year old was Penelope's protector, and Piper couldn't help but imagine how that would play out as he and his sister got older.

The blonde sat down on the loveseat next to her son and pulled down a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch, placing it over herself and her daughter. It took less than a minute for her to lift her shirt and get her daughter to a more content state.

"I'm gonna make some spaghetti for lunch, is that alright?" Polly let her fingers toy with Penelope's sock-covered feet as she stood up from where she was perched on the arm of the loveseat.

The mother of two nodded, observing how Andrew was gently picking up the bottom of the blanket covering his sister. Piper knew he was searching for Penelope's hand or some other extremity for him to hold so his sister knew he was there. The boredom on his face was prevalent considering it was a Wednesday and Finn had school, but the clinginess to his family was noticeable as well. The boy had thought his friend was staying home from school to play with him all day, but Polly and Pete had kept him home for part of the morning due to an early pediatrician's appointment.

"Mommy, did you get my dinosaurs?" Drew laid his head against Piper's shoulder. The blonde figured he was still exhausted even though he slept all night once they got to Polly's.

"I did." Removing a hand from the hold she had on Penelope underneath the blanket, Piper wrapped an arm around her four year old, tugging him deep into her side. "We'll go get them from the car once Penelope's done nursing, okay?"

Andrew nodded.

"Did you get dressed all by yourself this morning?"

"Aunt Polly helped me find my clothes in our bags, but I did it by myself."

"I see." Piper peeled back the top of the blanket to check on Penelope and she found the little girl starting to doze as she ate. The blonde noticed that she too had been changed out of her pajamas into a navy onesie that had pink trim and white polka dots scattered all over. There was even a strawberry placed right on the bum of the onesie as well. "Who picked Penelope's clothes out?"

"I did." Andrew smiled. Piper didn't know if she'd ever seen anything more pure than seeing one of her children elicit emotions of joy.

She pressed a soft kiss to the top of her son's head and took a deep breath before asking the inevitable, but she knew it was an important question; _how was he feeling_. The boy had replied he felt fine and that he didn't have a stomach ache like he had earlier in the week. Piper quickly realized she had to go deeper and ask if he was feeling sad or angry about any of the previous night's events. She even went to the extent of asking if he was upset at Alex.

"I just miss mama." Drew yawned and rubbed his eyes, yet his hand automatically went back to stroking Penelope's leg. "When is she coming home? Did she take a taxi cab to work? Because we have the car and she's been taking it to work since Penelope came out of your tummy."

The mother of two could only sigh in defeat. Andrew was right, Alex had been taking the car since Piper had been on maternity leave. Usually they would get Andrew on the bus for preschool and then ride to work together, but now she had been staying home with Penelope. She was internally cursing his preschools Spring Break that he was currently on. If school was in session, he'd have a distraction from this mess.

The mind of a four year old was strong, yet also innocent. They were at that age where things could begin to leave deep and saddening scars, but they also saw no harm in anything. Piper struggled to come to grips with having to remind her son that his mother was still in jail and was potentially on the way to prison for an extended period of time, but she didn't want to be faced with the questions that he was going to continually ask. She also didn't want to keep him in the dark, yet she knew he was smart enough to catch on to the situation. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Baby, you know last night, when the police officers came to our house?"

Andrew nodded, his attention focused on Penelope who was being switched to the other side of Piper's chest to continue her feed.

"Mama is still with the police officers and she may be with them for a while." Piper's tone came across as soft and gentle as she could possible make it while she explained the circumstances to her son. She only hoped Andrew couldn't detect the tremble in her voice. From a young age, the little boy had always been extremely perceptive with other people's emotions.

Andrew's eyes instantly popped up to meet with his mother's, the seriousness now prevalent in his little face. The young boy's soft and continuous strokes of affection being directed towards Penelope were now being placed on Piper's forearm that was supporting her newborn.

"Is she gonna come back, mommy?"

"Uh." Piper took in a deep breath. She was at a loss for words on how to explain this to her firstborn. "We're not really sure right now, babe."

The mother felt Penelope pull away from her, giving her a small distraction from keeping her tears from pouring down her face. She wanted to tell her son that she had talked to Alex on the phone this morning and that she had told her that she loved him and his sister, but Piper also knew he would get upset because he didn't get to talk to her on the phone.

Andrew simply watched his mother sit Penelope on her lap with her palm supporting her chest and begin to burp her.

…

A soft buzz woke Piper up from her slumber. She wasn't even really sure how she was able to sleep. There had still been no word from Alex, her attorney, or even the jail informing Piper that they were moving her to a prison, causing her to constantly pace and check her phone.

The last thing she remembered before dozing off was watching her daughter's eyes gradually get heavy as she rocked her to sleep. Penelope had been asleep for over an hour now after having woke up to eat after her brother had went down. Drew had fallen asleep around nine while they watched television in the basement.

Piper blinked heavily and wiped the sleep from her eyes before blindly grabbing her phone from the nightstand and answering it.

"Hello?"

"Can you come get me?"

"What?" Piper shot up in bed, but instantly turned to her side to ensure her son was still sleeping beside her and then turned to the other side to check on Penelope. "Alex? What do you mean come get you? Are they letting you-."

"Piper." Alex cut her girlfriend off. "Please just _come get me_. I can explain everything later. Just please come. Get. Me."

"Okay, Al, okay." The blonde threw the covers off her legs and wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder, shedding her pajama pants and blindly grabbing for her discarded sweat pants on the floor. She glanced at the television that was still showing a children's program and noticed that the time in the corner read half past ten. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thank you." Piper could hear the desperation in her girlfriend's voice. She couldn't even fathom what these past twenty four hours have been like for Alex.

The blonde hung up a few moments later. Her mind was racing. She had started to believe that she wouldn't see her lover until her visitation list was confirmed in prison, but a new door had opened.

Before Piper left the house, she adjusted the blankets back over her son who was sprawled out in bed in only a t-shirt and his dinosaur boxer briefs. With Penelope, she removed her from the bassinette that came with the pack-n-play and took her up to Polly for the time being. Thankfully Polly and Pete were still up when she walked into the living room. When she revealed where she was going, the couple was just as surprised as she was.

…

Piper was sure her foot was pressed to the metal the whole drive to the police station in Brooklyn. Cops be damned if they were out there with their radar guns. All she was focused on was getting to her girlfriend and wrapping her arms around her as tight as she could to ensure this wasn't all just a dream that she was getting out of jail.

When she arrived at the police station, she all but threw her car in park and ran into the building. Piper was instructed to read and sign a few papers stating who she was picking up and then was asked to pull her car around to the back gate. It seemed the faster she went through this process the more she shook, but all she could think about was Alex.

She waited at the back gate for twenty minutes before a red light started to blink outside the building and an officer opened the back door. A few seconds later, her girlfriend appeared with another officer at her side. Piper had only felt this much relief in her life two times before and that was when she heard both of her children take their first breath after they were born.

In the headlights of the vehicle, Alex's demeanor wasn't a pleasant one. She looked mentally, emotionally, and physically drained, but there was also a hint of anger to her face as well.

As Alex walked closer to the opening gate, Piper couldn't help but begin to feel the hot tears begin to pour down her face once again. She slowly opened up the driver's side door and got out, but only walked a few yards away from the car. The officers in the station had told her she had to stay a certain distance away.

The two men with Alex stopped at her the gate one last time and spoke to her for a moment before they allowed her to walk the rest of the way to Piper by herself. With each step, the brunette seemed to stalk faster towards her.

"Alex." Piper cried, her tears blurring her vision. The blonde couldn't help but take two giant steps and launch herself into Alex's arms once she was close enough. It honestly felt like an orchestra that was crescendoing towards a grand finale the closer the pair grew and when they touched, it was like the fireworks going off at the end. "Oh my god."

She could hear her girlfriend sigh from where she had already buried herself in her neck. The hold Alex had around her waist was air-constricting, but she didn't care. All she cared about was that this moment was real. Alex was actually in her arms, granted she was crying and most likely in deep emotional turmoil, but she was in her arms. They were given the opportunity to sort through this hindrance together.

"Are you okay?" Piper reluctantly pulled away from Alex's neck, cupping her cheeks delicately between her two palms, her thumbs instantly going to wipe the tears away. Her girlfriends grip around her waist was still relentless, but Alex said nothing. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

After a few moments Alex pulled away from the crook of Piper's neck and nodded while wiping her face.

"Okay." Piper whispered, letting a hand stroke her girlfriend's cheek.

Once the couple got in the car and drove off, Alex seemed to decompress a little bit. Piper so desperately wanted to ask so many questions, but she knew it was best to let Alex reveal everything at her own pace.

It wasn't until Alex reached over and put her hand on Piper's thigh, that the blonde felt it was safe to say something. Just being in Alex's presence was taking a major weight off her shoulders.

"Are you hungry? We can stop and pick something up." The blonde interlaced her fingers with Alex's and squeezed. "That little sandwich place on Williams is open until one…It's only midnight."

"That'd be okay." Alex's face was glimmering in the streetlights as they passed them.

Surprisingly, there was a bit of a line at the sandwich shop, but it was also placed next to Brooklyn College so that explained why it was still busy. The whole time the couple stood waiting in line, Alex kept a grip on Piper's body whether it be on her lower back or holding her hand. Watching the college kids come in and out was amusing to Alex as she was reminded that Piper was fresh out of college when they met.

"Remember when you were one of these kids?"

In Piper's eyes, she could care less that Alex was making fun of her. She was just happy that she was actually getting somewhat of a smile from her girlfriend.

Thirty minutes later they had received their meals and were walking up the steps to Polly's townhome. Before Piper could reach for the spare key in the plant, Polly was already opening the front door.

"Hey." Polly smiled at the both of them as they stepped into the house. "Penelope just went down and the deadbolt was locked. I didn't want you to ring the doorbell and wake her up."

"Did she eat? Or did she just wake up to wake up?" Piper pushed past her friend and led Alex by the hand into the living room to look for their daughter, but there was no baby to be found.

"She had about four ounces and had a blowout so she's downstairs on the guest bed. She fell asleep mid diaper change so she's only in her diaper." Polly looked between the two women, noticing they both looked equally exhausted. "I can keep her tonight so you two can rest."

"No." Alex finally spoke. "We'll be okay. Thanks though, we really appreciate everything you've done."

Polly nodded and let the couple go down to the basement. Piper knew that Alex was most likely bursting at the seams to see her children, hence why she didn't let Polly keep their newborn.

The moment the couple stepped off the bottom stair, Alex rushed to the side of the bed and placed their food on the bedside table. She quickly sat down and looked between her two children. Andrew was still sleeping peacefully on the other side of the bed, and Penelope was bundle up in the blankets towards the middle of the bed.

The brunette hunched over their newborn, gently allowing her hand to trace down the crown of her head and diaper-clad body. The look in her eyes was one of pure and unconditional love.

"Hi, P." She whispered while pressing a kiss to her little belly. The newborn's knees were curled up to her chest and a pacifier was moving rapidly in her mouth. Alex then turned her attention to her little boy and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Hi, Drew. I missed you guys."

Piper couldn't help but allow her tears to well up in her eyes once again as she watched her girlfriend reunite with her kids. She couldn't fathom how Alex felt being taken away from her kids. It had only been twenty four hours, but she could imagine that it felt like a lifetime to her lover.

After a few moments, the blonde walked over to the bed and ran a hand up and down her wife's back. She could physically see Alex trying to keep her emotions at bay as she continued to just sit and take in the fact that she was finally with her family.

"It's okay, Al." The blonde pulled her girlfriend's head to her stomach and just let her weep. "We're here."

…

"They let me out on ROR." Alex took a bite of her sandwich. After letting Piper just simply hold her for twenty minutes, the brunette had finally pulled away and reached for their food. Piper had taken the cue and moved Penelope over towards Andrew some so she and Alex could sit at the edge of the bed to eat.

"What's that?" The taller woman hadn't said a word about her jail time until now and Piper hadn't asked. The only time she'd seen Alex in such a depressed and emotional state was when her mother died years ago. It hadn't taken weeks, even months for her to see Alex start to revert back to her normal self.

"Being released on your own recognizance. Basically you're released on the basis of your promise to report for trial and any other court proceedings in your case. Courts usually release defendants on this only in minor criminal cases or when the person has a fairly clean record or no record at all. Since I had a permanent address and a well-established place of employment that helped too."

Piper could only nod. She herself was still speechless. The image of her doors being kicked in and her girlfriend being jammed up against the wall still repeatedly played in her brain.

"When is the trial?"

"It could be in as little as two weeks or it could be a year. They really don't know, Pipes." Alex took a swig of her soda. "Kubra was extradited and someone in the ring named me. I don't know who."

"So you could be around long enough to see our little girl's first smiles or you could be around until our son starts kindergarten. Because that's a great time estimate." Instantly Piper cringed at her foot in mouth disease and reached for her girlfriend who surprisingly didn't retreat. Her voice dropped to a whisper and the tears returned with a vengeance. "I'm sorry, Alex."

"No, Pipes." The brunette shook her head, throwing her glasses on the bedside table. "You're right. You're absolutely fucking right. I have two kids and I can't even be a good fucking role model for them."

"I didn't mean to say that, Al." Piper struggled to find the words to say anything. "I just felt so helpless watching you there in our living room and then there wasn't any word about _anything_."

"I'm a mom now, Piper. I have young impressionable children and I got arrested in front of one of them." Alex continued while looking over at Drew who was curled up at the head of the bed on Piper's pillow. "I saw our son peeking through the bannister down at everything that was going on downstairs." Tears were beginning to pour down Alex's alabaster skin and her two day old eyeliner was streaking down along with them. "My face was smashed against the wall while they were handcuffing me and he was just staring at me so blankly for so long before he ran across the hall into our room. It was like he was staring into my fucking soul."

"What?" Piper couldn't believe what had just come out of her girlfriend's mouth. "He didn't say anything about that. When I went upstairs afterwards, he had pulled Penelope from her bassinette and had her under the blankets with him."

"He probably thinks I'm the shittiest mother in the world." Alex buried her head in her hands.

"No, Alex, _no_ , he doesn't." The blonde pulled her girlfriend's hands away from her bloodshot eyes. "He's asked about you so many times. He's missed you just as much as I've missed you."

Alex was silent for a moment. "We'll get through this, right?"

She needed that reassurance. She needed to know Piper was going to continue to stick by her side no matter what the outcome of this was.

"We're gonna get through this, Al." For the first time in over twenty four hours, Piper pressed her lips to those of her girlfriends. "I'm right here by your side the whole time."

…

The pair talked for another hour or so before Alex had requested that she was in serious need of a shower. Piper allowed Alex to shower alone, and had decided that she would only join if her girlfriend asked.

Once Alex was done, she had asked Piper if she needed one, so she took advantage of the opportunity. When she came out, Alex was reclined against the headboard with a still diaper-clad Penelope laying against her chest. Both girls were fast asleep.

Her attention then turned to Andrew who had been moved to the middle of the bed.

She could only imagine what his reaction would be in the morning when he noticed Alex was lying next to him.

* * *

A/N: I'm trying to keep Alex's journey as canonical to the show as possible. From what we can tell in the series, she doesn't go straight to prison after getting arrested (Reference: S5 Ep 12: Bar scene flashback where she reveals she gave Piper up).

I tried to shoot for a weekend update as a few of you guys were requesting and I just barely missed it.

Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: First off, to the guest who left me a constructive review on how my writing is improving, yet also touched on some things I could improve on, thank you. I honestly do appreciate reviews like that.

* * *

 _ **Clinging to the Future**_

 _ **Chapter 4**_

 _ **Enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **T-6 weeks…**_

After the night that Alex was released from jail, they hadn't talked anymore about their current situation even though there was a whole list of things that needed to be settled before that inevitable day. Every day that passed, both women grew more anxious and the tension continued to mount between them. There was still no word of when the trial was being held. The couple wished that call would never come. Each time any phone in the house would ring, Alex would clench in fear.

The morning after Piper had picked up Alex from jail, Andrew had woke up, rolled over, and instantly burst into tears when he found his mama lying next to him. His small arms quickly wrapped around her neck and didn't let go for quite some time. This wasn't the reaction Piper had expected to see from her four year old. It had taken the both of them to bring him out of his breakdown, but even then he wouldn't stop clinging to Alex. He'd always been partial to his mama. They had this indescribable mother-son bond from the time he was born and Piper was deeply concerned about how he would cope with Alex being gone for an extended period of time.

"Alex, there's no need to go rent out a hotel room. Polly doesn't mind us staying here." Piper looked up from where she was folding clothes on the bed.

They had only been staying in Polly and Pete's basement for a week and Alex was already beginning to get cabin fever. The brunette had decided to take three weeks paid-vacation the day after she was released, but it was quickly turning out to be a questionable decision. She couldn't sit still. She constantly checked her phone. She held one of her children constantly until her arms were shaking in exhaustion.

"Pipes, I can't go another week with Andrew kicking me all night and laying every which way possible." The taller woman laid a sleeping Penelope down on the bed in the boppy that was placed next to Piper. "If we go home, we could all go back to our respective sleeping arrangements."

"Al, I can't go back to the house in Brooklyn. I just can't. Our lease is up in two months so maybe then we can start looking for an apartment or something…" Piper trailed off. In two months, Alex may not even be here. She was still struggling with coming to terms about all of it. It still felt so unreal. "Why don't we see if putting him in Finn's room will work?"

"Do you really think he's gonna let me out of his sight?" The brunette scoffed as she bent down to tuck Penelope's swaddle in a little tighter. "Have you not seen how he's been freaking out when we drop him off at preschool?"

Piper had no words to respond. Each day they had dropped Andrew off at preschool this week, he had clung to Alex in tears and when they picked him up in the afternoon, his face broke out in full on joy while requesting Alex carry him. His new behavior was something they hadn't ever seen from him before, but then again, they also felt guilty because of the recent trauma he experienced.

"All we can do is try." Piper shrugged, the exhaustion prevalent on her face. Yes, two adults, a preschooler, and a newborn all living in such close quarters of a basement was wearing on her too, but she was also dealing with Alex's emotions, her waking up in the middle of the night (when she slept) drenched in sweat, and also the constant nervousness. Alex had been so antsy that she could barely touch Piper for more than a few seconds before she had to stop and distract herself with something else. It was like any positive emotion she felt, she was scared of and had to revert back to the near constant tension. There had been so many times when Piper sat and watched her girlfriend pace that she wanted to just stop and hug her until the brunette couldn't do anything but give in.

Alex continued to stay quiet for a moment before she sat down on the bed, quietly observing her wife fold the assortment of clothes in the pile. She was exhausted, yet she could only sleep thirty minutes at a time.

"How about you two nap and I'll go get Andrew in a little bit? Hmm?" The brunette hadn't even noticed Piper get up from the bed and walk around to her side. Just feeling Piper's hands cup her cheeks was pulling her away from that dark place she had seemed to slither into this past week.

…

It was two-thirty in the morning. Penelope was laying in the crook of her arm quietly feeding from the bottle Alex was holding for her. Since she'd been home, Alex had resumed her usual night shift so Piper could actually rest and continue to heal from giving birth. They'd had her six week appointment yesterday and were given the all clear for whatever the couple desired, but surprisingly, Alex had no desire. If you would've asked her a little over a week ago, she could've told you the exact amount of days until she'd be able to reconnect with her girlfriend, but now that want was out the door.

The pair was sitting at Polly's dining room table. They'd already been up to Finn's room twice to check on Andrew, who surprisingly loved the idea of being able to sleep in the same room as his friend. Both times, they had found him sleeping peacefully on the bottom bunk.

Each day seemed to be getting a little bit worse for the brunette. She felt as if she gave into reverting back to her old routine, it would be stripped away from her just as quickly. On the other hand, she could tell her actions and emotions were starting to affect her girlfriend and would eventually trickle down to her kids.

She didn't want to put this huge monstrosity of a burden on Piper.

She had already been through enough.

"Alex?" Polly appeared in the entry way of the kitchen. "Is everything, okay?"

Alex nodded, surprised that the shorter brunette was even awake. It wasn't until the other woman got closer that she realized Penelope was in her arms.

"Just the normal middle of the night feed…I don't miss that at all." Polly let her fingertips smooth over Penelope's downy hairs.

"We can go back downstairs if we woke you up?" Alex began to feel antsy once again. She and Polly had engaged in the normal conversation here and there throughout the week, but nothing more than that. The two had even sat at the dining table and gone over a few things pertaining to Popi. She had also noticed that Polly was being overly compassionate, but she could live with that instead of her constantly telling Piper how fucked up all of this was. They had come a long way since they met at her lavish housewarming party years ago. "I only came up here so Piper could get some actual sleep."

"Oh, no, no." Polly shook her head. "You're fine. Just needed a glass of water."

It was a few more moments before Polly had got what she needed, but she unexpectedly sat down next to Alex. The shorter woman smiled down at a dozing Penelope before asking how she was doing.

Alex had thought too soon.

"Are we bothering you by being here?" Alex's tone wasn't matter-of-fact or snarky, but one of actual sincerity. "Because we can leave if you're uncomfortable with all of this."

"No, Alex, no. Not at all." Polly scooted closer to the table. "I know we've had our differences in the past, but you've gotten away from all that I had a problem with and turned out to be a great mom and a loyal girlfriend to Piper. I never saw you two having kids if you want me to be honest, but I'm glad you did, because you're great parents."

The raven-haired woman averted her gaze to the newborn in her arms who was now sleeping. She didn't feel like a great parent. For the rest of her life she'll have the look on Drew's face engrained in her mind. "Thank you…"

"I know this past week has been a struggle for you two, and I only know what Piper has chosen to tell me, but you and your family are welcome to stay here for as long as you need."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to tell me anything, but let Piper in."

With that Polly got up from the table, placed a quick pat on Alex's shoulder, and went back upstairs.

Looking back down at Penelope, the little girl who loved to snuggle, eat, sleep, and repeat, she knew Polly was right. She hadn't been expressing anything towards her girlfriend but what she just absolutely had to. They were like two ships passing in the night basically. One of them dealt with one child and the other dealt with the other child. There had been no time for them, but Alex wasn't sure if time for them would help any of this anyways. _That_ day was inevitable and it could come at any moment and she was letting it get in the way of her relationship and her life.

* * *

 _ **T-5 weeks...**_

"Are you gonna smile for me today?" Piper cooed at Penelope who was currently laying on her play mat in the floor of Polly's living room. Each day she was becoming more alert and insistent on showing her many new emotions.

"I don't see how you can get down on the floor and lay on your stomach like that." Polly frowned as she curled her feet up on the couch. "It took four months before I could sneeze and not double over with pain that felt like a thousand knifes stabbing my uterus."

"I bounced right back with Drew, too." Piper smiled at Penelope who now had some semblance of a grin on her tiny face as she squirmed around.

"Hey." Alex appeared in the doorway of the living room with Andrew at her side. The two had just returned from preschool.

"Hi, mommy." Andrew rushed over to the couch to discard his backpack and then went and laid down next to his sister on the mat. "Hi, P."

"Hi, babe." Piper grinned at Andrew as he got right up next to Penelope and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "How was school?"

"Good. Can I hold my sister?" The little boy's face lit up when his sister started to kick her feet.

"Yeah. Sit on the couch with Aunt Polly." As Piper picked up the newborn, and settled her in Andrew's lap she couldn't help but genuinely smile at the sight. Drew was so smitten with Penelope. Even Polly could see it as she supported the baby's head.

"Hey, Al?" Piper called before turning her head, but when she did, she found the space where Alex was just standing was empty and she heard the click of the basement door.

…

High fever. The shakes. Sore throat. Congestion. The pukes. That's what Piper woke up to as Drew poked her awake with the most pitiful face. The first thing she heard come out of his mouth was a gag and the next thing she knew was that she was grabbing him and making a dash for the basement bathroom. Thankfully they had just made it in time for him to heave into the white, porcelain bowl.

Piper sat on the ledge of the tub for twenty minutes simply holding Drew close as he stood between her legs resting all of his weight onto her, praying that the children's medicine would quickly kick in. It wasn't until she heard Penelope start to rouse from her two and half hour stretch of sleep that she realized how early it was.

She peered out into the basement and could see her newborn jerking around in her bassinette. Alex could be seen sleeping peacefully for once, snuggled into Piper's pillow.

The blonde didn't want to wake up her girlfriend to deal with Penelope while she dealt with Drew, but with how clingy her four year old was being, she knew that would be a task of its own. On the other hand, she wanted to isolate Penelope from Drew so she wouldn't be exposed to his germs any more than she already had been.

"Does your tummy still hurt?" The blonde nuzzled the side of her son's face that was still completely buried into the crook of neck. Drew's grip on her neck was relentless. He was warm to the touch, but thankfully his little body had stopped shaking.

She could faintly hear his mumbled no.

"If I make you a pallet on the floor next to the bed will that be okay?"

Penelope's whimpers were becoming more prevalent.

Andrew nodded and quietly mumbled. "Will you lay with me?"

"Okay, let me go get Penelope situated and then I'll get us settled on the floor, kay?"

The little boy just whined and clutched Piper tighter.

There wasn't going to be an easy way out of this. Instead of fighting Andrew's need to be close to her, she simply picked him up and carried him. It wasn't the first time she'd have to do things with a child clinging to her like a koala.

Alex was woken up by both her children's whimpers and whines before Piper could press her hand to her back to wake her up.

"What's the matter?" Her voice was full of sleep.

"One child needs a hug and the other needs to be fed." Piper deadpanned while beginning to one-handedly sort through a pile of their things to find blankets and towels for their pallet. "I'll let you figure out who's who."

It took Alex one look at Andrew to determine he was ill. The way the bathroom light was reflecting off his flushed cheeks gave it all away. He was like her in that aspect, he didn't want any coddling until absolutely necessary.

"I'll deal with him if you can get her." Piper set Andrew down on the bed momentarily but the whines and whimpers immediately escalated.

An hour later, at half past three, both women were settled into their respective places with each child. Piper found herself laying on the floor, her back already aching in pain, but Andrew was tucked into her side finally sleeping albeit restlessly. Alex was in the bed with a milk-drunk Penelope propped up in the Boppy, just mere minutes away from drifting back to sleep. This wasn't the first time they had cared for a newborn and a sick preschooler. Just two days after bringing Penelope home from the hospital, Drew had fallen ill with a stomach virus.

"Pipes?"

"Hmm?" The blonde mumbled, letting her hand continuously stroke Andrew's wispy, blonde hair.

"Did you ever imagine this would be where we would end up? Like two kids, sicknesses, middle of the night feeds, germs and whatnot?"

Piper idled her hand over her son's scalp for a moment. That question had really struck something within her. Did Alex want to know if she thought they'd end up living in Polly's basement with a criminal lawsuit on their hands? Or if they would end up in this domesticated life with two kids and the roller coaster of snot, laughs, and tears that came with it?

From the time she found out she was pregnant with Drew, she made a pact to not be the mother that Carol was to her. She wanted to be involved, be interactive, and be affectionate towards her kids. She wanted her kids to be able to trust her with anything, and not see her as an incompetent mother like she saw Carol.

She also didn't want to hide her relationship with her girlfriend, like she watched her parents do. She had thought her parents were fine and dandy, but when Bill and Carol had sat her and her siblings down in the living room and announced they were divorcing, Piper had never seen it coming. She was twenty-one at the time, no job, and going to school on her parent's dime, but that all changed when the divorce was final. Bill hadn't stopped paying for her schooling, but the extra money he had transferred into Piper's account every month ceased, causing her to start applying for shitty waitressing jobs in dive bars. At the time, she hadn't thought anything good would come out of a job, but that's when she met Alex in that grungy bar next to Smith.

On top of that, she didn't want her children to cut her off as she did her mother. She still regularly talked to her father and occasionally Cal, but since she had decided to settle down and have children with Alex, Carol hadn't wanted anything to do with her. Her mother had attempted to develop a relationship with her grandchildren, but Piper quickly decided that if she wanted to have a relationship with her grandchildren, she'd have to have a relationship with Alex as well and that didn't settle well with Carol.

Bill had been there when both children were born and Piper couldn't have been happier. He was a proud grandfather. From the very beginning, he'd been accepting of Alex. Piper had always imagined that it would've been the other way around that Carol would be more accepting of her girlfriend than her father, but she was wrong. Bill looked at Alex as a human being, and not for what money or assets she had.

"Piper?" Alex's voice brought her away from her thoughts. "Did you fall asleep?"

"No, I just…got sidetracked." Piper took another moment to collect herself. "Honestly, I've always wanted to be a mother. Ever since I was a little girl, it was something I always dreamed about. But did I ever imagine that we would have kids? In the beginning, no, not at all. We were reckless and our lifestyle back then would've never been accommodating for a child, but the further along we got, the more that opinion started to shift. We finally started to have a sense of stability and we rented a place of our own together that had room for a family. Now I have a hard time thinking about our life without Drew and Penelope."

The whole time Piper spoke, Alex couldn't help but feel at fault that the life they had built outside of the cartel was beginning to tumble down around them. Their dream Brooklyn brownstone that they had spent months scouring the real estate market for was ruined for them in a matter of seconds. While she was away, they would most likely have to move into an apartment or continue to stay with Polly, but Alex knew that Piper could only handle that for so long. Their family and comfortable routine was likely about to be upturned when she was sentenced for her crime as well. She feared for her girlfriend and how she would cope, but she also feared for Andrew. He had already seen so much that she was ashamed of, she didn't want to just continue piling it on.

This is what she'd be missing. The snuggles. The illnesses. The days the kids just wanted to be held. Although they complained about it when it was happening, any parent secretly loved when their children just needed them.

* * *

 _ **T-4 weeks…**_

"This is nice." Piper smiled over at her girlfriend who was sitting next to her with an unenthusiastic glare. Their hands were intertwined between them. It was the most contact they had had in over a week, but the blonde would happily take anything she could at the moment.

The pair was currently child free and watching a late night movie. They were the only people in the theater, and for that both women were thankful, but unfortunately, the movie showing was one for a child. It was the only movie that wasn't sold out that night and Polly had told them not to come back until after midnight. They had ate dinner, walked around the city simply taking in the hustle and bustle, but they still had three hours 'til midnight.

"We're watching an animated movie with talking emoji's that's aimed towards children our son's age, not adults." Alex slumped further down in her chair, placing her feet on the seat in front of her. "If I wanted to watch children's programming, I could've just sat on the couch with Drew."

"Look at it this way, we don't have a child clinging to either of us, no crying or whining. When was the last time we actually got to spend some time alone together?"

If anything, Piper forced herself to be positive for her girlfriend although that proved to be so insanely difficult at times. They had two children, but at this point in time, only one of them was truly wide-eyed and impressionable and that child was quickly catching on to the thick tension around him.

Alex could only huff in defeat.

Throughout the night, Piper had seen a few glimpses of a smile or heard a laugh, but it wasn't near as much as she once would've heard had all the chaos not gone on around them. She'd had to really lure them out of Alex and they felt forced at that.

She missed her girlfriend. From the moment she got carted away, Piper felt disconnected from her and she'd felt that way for the past two and a half weeks. Every day she watched her girlfriend pace, have anxiety attacks, and just be generally disengaged from everything. They went from having constant conversation whether it be over something random or something important like their kids to talking about nothing unless it was a question on if they had seen something or if they could deal with one of the children.

The couple sat in silence for a few more moments before Piper turned in her seat and faced Alex directly. "Al?"

"Hmm?" The brunette's eyes fluttered towards her girlfriend but then went back to her absentminded gazing.

"Will you look at me? Please?" Piper squeezed Alex's hand a little harder and eventually Alex turned her head, all her undivided attention on her. "I've been trying to let you process things at your own pace and not intrude, but I can't stand seeing you like this, Alex."

"What is there to talk about, Pipes?" Alex shrugged and shook her head. Her tone was even, but drained. In reality, she should be angry at herself for having to have this conversation at all, but those emotions had come and went when she was in that holding cell. There was a bigger picture to look at, and that was her family. That anger that once raged through her veins and had her pacing that concrete cell turned to shame and disappointment.

"There's _so much_ to talk about actually."

"I don't want to talk here, Piper."

"What better place than here, Alex?" Piper's tone turned indignant. She was tired of walking around on eggshells. "We're in a theater all by ourselves with another hour left of this movie."

"I just don't want to talk about anything right now." Alex shrugged again, breaking her hand from Piper's and burying it in the pocket of her hoodie along with her free hand. The air between them growing thick and her anxiety beginning to run rampant. She began to become overly aware that her phone in her pocket could go off at any moment and she'd be right back in that holding cell waiting to go to prison.

"You know, you could…Nevermind. Forget it." Piper turned back to face forward in her seat, biting back the tears that were beginning to form. All she wanted was for Alex to let her in. That's all she'd wanted for the past few weeks. She wanted to help. She wanted Alex to let it all out and really tell her how she was feeling. She wanted to have a plan for when they finally did receive that inevitable call saying that a trial date had been set. Piper didn't know if she could take Alex being plucked away from their home or their makeshift home again without any sense of readiness. Although, Piper wasn't sure if she'd ever be ready for that moment. Alex was her home and she was meant to be with her and their kids, not sitting in a concrete box for something she had gotten herself out of.

"Just go ahead and say it…You had the guts to start your sentence. Go ahead and finish it."

Suddenly Piper was thankful for the darkness of the room. All she had wanted was to let Alex know she was there and it had blew up in her face. She was being pushy, she knew that, it was her typical Piper Chapman behavior, but all she wanted was for Alex to let her in. She too was about to experience something so completely foreign and she'd have to learn to cope with it by herself, as well as manage two kids. All she wanted was some answers. Some firm ideas that she could start focusing on to help her get through.

The tears began to slowly tail down her cheeks. There was so much uncertainty in their life at the moment and she couldn't bear it any longer. She wanted her girlfriend back, and the mother of her children. She wanted to see her genuinely smile, not look like her life was doomed. Because it wasn't. Sure, Polly had been a fantastic person to vent to and rant to, but it wasn't the same as talking to the woman she had been so closely linked and in love with for the past fifteen years.

"I just want you to let me in. We've only talked about this for an hour at best and that was when you came home three weeks ago. There's so much that needs to be settled. I can't do it all myself, Al." Piper batted at the tears on her face. "It hurts me to see you like this, Alex. You did the same thing once before and I just want to keep you from self-destructing again. Or at least keep from doing it in front of our kids."

That struck a nerve in Alex. The blonde could tell just from how she tensed up next to her. She knew exactly what _other time_ she was talking about it.

"We have kids now, Al. If it hurts me to see you like this, then it has to be hurting them too…If we didn't have kids? Sure, I'd let you act like this, but we can't just sweep things under the rug until it all starts to come out. I don't want them in the middle of this."

Alex remembered the exact moment she had finally just let it all loose. It was after Diane died thanks to that fucking aneurysm. It was three weeks after the funeral. Piper had asked her one thing about when they should go retrieve Diane's things from her home and she had snapped. She hadn't meant to snap like she had. There were things thrown, tears were shed, and a massive breakdown was had on the floor of their Upper West Side flat. Up until that point, Alex hadn't said a word about anything or how she was processing the death of her mother. She had practically been mute for the whole three weeks. Piper had simply stood back and let Alex get it out before she saw a pause in the rage and just wrapped her arms around Alex, letting the contact bring her to a calmer state. After that, the pair had talked for over three hours straight. Mostly Alex talking and Piper listening, but there was finally a ray of sunshine peeking through the dreary sky that was hovering over that apartment.

Although Piper could've approached this topic with a little more nonchalance instead of going straight into it, Alex knew she was right. This whole situation wasn't just affecting her like she had convinced herself it was. Her bottling everything up was hurting all of them and not just her.

They hadn't even received a court date or any word from her attorney and she was acting as if she was being given a death sentence. Somedays it really did feel like the constricting anxiety and panic attacks was a death sentence, but in reality, her and her attorney had predicted for her to get three to five years depending on what the stipulations for the trial were. That wasn't the end of the world, but she had been looking at it as it was. She'd miss her kids growing up, the laughs, the smiles, the ups and downs of how a family worked.

"I'm sorry." Alex hadn't even realized her girlfriend was crying until she had convinced herself to look in her direction. She whispered again. "I'm sorry."

Piper reached for Alex's hand once again. "Me too."

"I just feel like a failure." The older woman sighed. "I feel like a fuck-up of a girlfriend and an even bigger fuck-up of a mom. I can't avoid what I once did. I'm guilty, I know I am. I just can't come to grips that I'm having to give up all of this for something I did ten plus years ago."

"We just had a _baby_ , Piper." She continued. "I'm pissed that this is happening. I'm pissed that you're practically gonna be a single mom. I'm pissed that you're gonna have a baby and a four year old to juggle and if the past month has been any sign of how the next few years are gonna be, that makes me feel even shittier because you'll have your hands full."

"And what really hurts me the most, is that I can't help you with _any_ of it from the inside of a prison."

By the end of Alex's rant, Piper had tears continually streaming down her face. She was happy that Alex was finally saying _something_ , but at the same time it was tearing her apart just as it was her girlfriend.

* * *

 _ **T-3 weeks…**_

 _ **Late April…**_

It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon. The high for the day was seventy-five degrees. Penelope was sleeping peacefully in the wrap against Piper as her parents walked towards Drew's school. Things had still been somewhat tense between them after their night out, but they'd continued to try to and communicate instead of holding things in. The atmosphere as a whole had even seemed a little bit lighter as Alex tried to really let herself take things day by day and enjoy the time she still had.

The pair had sat in that theater until well after the movie had ended and one of the ushers had asked them to leave. Alex had let Piper in and Piper had gotten some answers on how they wanted to handle their living situation and finances after Alex had been sentenced. They had both determined that a lot of change was approaching and there was still a lot to be handled as things progressed, but they vowed to get through it together and continue putting the kids first despite what happened.

The minute Piper and Alex had picked up Andrew from preschool, he had requested that they go to park. Naturally, the parents agreed. Andrew had even commented that Alex had her arm wrapped around Piper, something he hadn't seen in weeks. In fact, the affection between the couple had only started coming back since they had let everything out last week in the theater.

"It's so nice today." Piper let her lips brush the top of Penelope's head. She wasn't surprised the infant was still sleeping peacefully despite the shrill screams of delight coming from the kids playing on the playground. Sleeping pressed up against Piper or Alex was one of her favorite things for her age.

"It is." Alex let the backs of her knuckles trail down the part of Penelope's face that was exposed. "It gets a little cramped in that basement at times."

The pair continued to watch their son run and play among the others for a few minutes until Alex's phone went off. She had started to work from Polly's basement some to ensure there wasn't any shipping back orders and thought nothing of this particular call.

" _Hello, Alex. It's your attorney, Thomas Phillips. I have some news pertaining to your case and sentencing."_

Alex froze.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the delay. School has started up again, leaving little time for me to write.

This chapter was almost 6000 words.

I appreciate every single review you guys have left so far and enjoy seeing you guy's reactions.

Cheers.


	5. Chapter 5

Flashbacks in _italics._

* * *

 _ **Clinging to the Future**_

 _ **Chapter 5**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 _Having a boy was new, weird, exciting, and exhausting all in one. Andrew was not one to shy away from anything, but also knew when to provoke his parents with that extremely sweet side he had as well. They had been content with just him, but it seemed that everywhere Piper went, she was bombarded with women who were expecting little girls or already had girls of their own, and that caused her to start thinking about what it would be like to have her own little girl and how Andrew would act around said little girl._

 _At first Alex had thought she was crazy. She knew she shouldn't have brought up the subject when their two year old was in her girlfriends arms because the pair was practically inseparable. The brunette had simply looked at her and shook her head while mouthing the word 'no' before going back to showing Andrew pictures of dinosaurs in his recently acquired dinosaur book. For being two years old, he was already turning into quite the book worm._

 _Piper had given it a few more weeks before she brought the subject up again._

" _Piper, Andrew and I have a very strict routine and there can't be anything that impedes on said routine."_

" _And what might this said routine be? Hmm?" Piper cocked her head to the side while looking on at her girlfriend who was standing at the end of their bed staring right back at her. It was well past ten. Andrew had been asleep for over two hours. They had just shut down the house after binge watching a new television show while cuddled up on the couch. "Wake up, scratch your butt, eat children's cereal, and lounge around until it's time to go to daycare?"_

 _Alex could only chuckle._

" _Yeah, remind me to make a note to put the next one in a daycare that actually opens before nine a.m. What kind of daycare does that? Don't they know that parent's jobs start way before then?" Piper threw the decorative throw pillows onto the floor before sinking further down into their plush bed._

" _You're the one that picked this daycare because they had the least amount of flu cases in the past five years than other daycares in our area."_

" _That's not the only reason that_ _ **we**_ _picked this daycare. Don't push it all onto me." Piper's eyes grew wide. "Plus that just shows that their cleanliness and hygiene is among their top priorities."_

" _Pipes, there's no need to start searching for qualities of other daycares because theirs not gonna be another kid." Alex gestured her arms in a done motion. "Period."_

" _Alex-."_

" _Nope. Nope." The brunette started to walk towards her dresser to retrieve shorts and a t-shirt. "Your shop is closed. There will be no more expensive, cuddly terrors screaming their way down and out your birth canal."_

 _Just by having that single conversation without little ears in the room had sparked an interest in Alex although she denied it every time Piper caught her looking at Andrew's newborn pictures after that. Piper firmly believed that there are two people that have to make the decision to have a baby and when Alex eventually brought up the subject again, she couldn't have been more thrilled. The blonde didn't push Alex at all into her decision. Although, she did spend a night worshipping her girlfriend's body just to ensure that yes was a firm yes and not some on the fence decision._

 _Four months later on the morning of Piper's thirty-sixth birthday, she received a plus sign on every single white stick she had bought. Alex had been ecstatic when her girlfriend has pounced into bed, proudly shoving every test in her face._

 _Little did they know that ten months later their world would be turned upside down._

* * *

 _ **T-3 weeks…**_

Piper didn't need to ask who was on the other end of the phone call. She could tell from how Alex had instantly tensed up. Herself on the other hand, she had felt her stomach drop completely to the floor.

The blonde tried to focus on her son smiling and laughing as he ran around the playground, but her eyes could only seem to refocus on Alex who was now off in the distance. Her grip on Penelope in the wrap against her was the only thing keeping her seated on the bench and not racing off to where Alex was off in the distance. She knew the more she kept worrying, the sooner Penelope would catch on and become anxious herself, but she couldn't keep the thoughts from swarming around.

It was around ten more minutes before Alex came back and sat back down on the bench.

"My life isn't over, but let's hope I look good in beige."

Piper gave a curt nod and then went back to watching Andrew be amazed at the older children who were scaling the monkey bars with ease. The blonde could feel the bile inching up the back of her throat at that statement, but she forced herself to focus on other things to calm herself down.

Nothing else was said after that about the phone call, but they resumed conversations about everyday life and their surroundings. At one point, the blonde did reach over and hold Alex's hand to keep herself from breaking down, but that only lasted until Andrew had come running over for a drink of water with sweat trickling down his face. Both parents hoped the physical activity caused him to go bed early tonight.

Piper and Alex didn't talk about the phone call at all during the rest of their afternoon at the playground or even when both kids were passed out in the backseat after a quick stop at the toy store. The younger woman could tell Alex was feeling guilty when she told Andrew he could have any toy he wanted and gave him the task of picking out a toy for his sister. Andrew had picked a stuffed brachiosaurus out of everything else in the store for himself, while he picked a light up teddy bear for his sister that had various textures for her to explore.

On the way back to Polly's, there was a silent agreement unfolding that they wanted to wait until there were no little ears present to discuss the phone call and to also ensure there weren't going to be any unexpected interruptions.

…

"Hey." Piper gently closed the backdoor that led out to Polly and Pete's patio. The blonde had just put Penelope down and was hoping she slept for more than a two hour stretch. "Playing hide and seek now?"

Alex snorted before scooting over on the outdoor loveseat to make room for her lover. There was a gentle breeze blowing throughout the backyard, but it didn't take much nowadays for Alex to get out of that cramped basement.

"I brought you something." Piper revealed a beer that she had tucked behind her.

"Trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me and get all the new juicy prison details?" Alex smirked and shook her head. At least she was trying to make the most of the situation.

"No." The younger woman sat with her back to the edge of the couch and tucked her feet underneath her girlfriend's thigh.

"Where's yours?" Alex twisted off the cap and took a swig.

"I'll have to nurse again sometime tonight, or else I would have one with you." Piper found this to be one of the only downsides of exclusively breastfeeding. Not that they hadn't tried formula with their youngest, but Penelope just plain refused it.

"Did Penelope go down okay? She was pretty fussy when I was reading to her." Reading to their children was something Alex did from the moment they found out they were pregnant with Andrew. Each night, except for a few nights in the past few weeks, Alex read to both of their children until they fell asleep. Initially it was a form of bonding between her and her two children, but now it had transformed into a type of coping mechanism.

"Yeah." Piper reached into her back pocket. "We're on video chat with her actually."

"What?" Alex's eyes widened at her girlfriend's remark.

"I video called your phone from mine and propped your phone up so we could see her." Piper shoved the phone in Alex's direction. "Look."

The brunette assumed that her phone was resting against the side of the playpen and when she looked, sure enough, there was their little girl sleeping soundly on the screen. She was swaddled and laying in the middle of the playpen, her pacifier being sucked in and out a constant pace. She was really gonna miss that little one.

"You couldn't have just used the baby monitor?" She looked pointedly towards the blonde. "I mean we did buy it to _monitor the baby_."

"The batteries ran out and I didn't feel like sacrificing the ones out of the television remote."

"You won't sacrifice the batteries out of the remote to ensure our child is sleeping soundly, but you'll sacrifice them out of the remote for our vibrator."

"That was _one_ time!" Piper laughed, remembering the exact day that Alex was referring to. "And we didn't even have kids then. It's not my fault that bed and breakfasts don't give out complimentary batteries."

"Technically, we did have a kid." Alex smirked.

"Okay, yes, we did, but he was still in utero and we didn't need batteries for a baby monitor for the next two and a half months."

They had taken a small getaway the weekend after Piper's baby shower. The planning and the event itself had been stressful for both women, leaving them in need for some much needed time away. They spent the weekend in a small cottage off the coast. The weekend was filled with much needed intimacy, no electronics, and good, homemade food. There wasn't a moment where they weren't touching in some form or fashion or expressing their love for one another and their unborn child. It had been their last vacation before Andrew was born two months later.

It went painfully quiet for a few moments. The only sound heard in the backyard was the occasional passing car on a nearby suburb street. It was well after midnight. They had gotten in from the park around four and spent the rest of the afternoon with Pete and Finn until Polly had gotten from work with two large pizzas in hand.

There were so many questions lingering in the air that Piper was wanting to ask, but she continued to keep her mouth shut. The amount of conversation they had about Alex going to prison had increased significantly since their night out to the movies, but she still held herself back to the point she felt she was appearing unsympathetic.

"Forty-five months." Alex spoke while looking out into the backyard. There were colorful remnants of water balloons scattered about from where she, Pete, and the boys had played in the backyard after dinner. Those thirty minutes of domination gave her a temporary out. A time to get away from the enclosing prison fate and be free, even if it was only for a short amount of time.

Piper's inhale was audible. Alex didn't want to look. She knew the tears had already began to trail down her girlfriends cheeks.

"That's almost four years." Piper crumbled as those words came out of her mouth. _So much for being strong_. Her body began to slump forward and her head fell into her hands. For fifteen minutes, her girlfriend just allowed her to cry as Alex scooted over and pulled her into her lap. There had been a few of these moments the past six weeks, but the brunette had noticed they had started to happen further and further apart. Most likely because they were starting to fall back into a less tension filled routine again, something they were comfortable with.

"How am I supposed to survive forty-five months without you here?" Tears were mixing with the snot that was dripping with her nose, the salt from it all beginning to burn her skin. "We're a team, Alex."

"I know, Pipes." Alex pulled the blonde as close as she could. "But I could be out in six to eight months if everything goes okay."

"What?" Piper pulled away from her girlfriends shoulder and looked at her as if she had three heads. "Al, that can't be right. The internet said-."

"Fuck the internet in this situation, babe." Alex scoffed. "They've granted me a few extra incentives considering this is my first offense ever and I'm not a habitual offender."

"What?" Piper repeated.

"Kubra gave me up…Thomas said I was the only name he gave in his questioning."

Just hearing Alex say the name Kubra, caused Piper to feel the rage begin to throb through her veins. He was the one who had upturned her family and landed them in this shit pile of a situation.

"They don't have any hard evidence of trafficking, but they want to hold me in a prison facility until Kubra's trial to ensure I don't run." The older woman removed her glasses to the top of her head, but she could still clearly see the sour face that was still plastered over her girlfriends face. "Piper, please stop looking at me like that. I don't want this just as much as you do."

Piper could only let a few tears fall before she nodded in agreeance.

"His trial is in six months and I have to be in attendance." The brunette took a moment to stop and breathe. Her stomach began to feel sick. Physically saying all of this out loud instead of keeping it to herself was causing it to hit her like a ton of bricks. "I can get my sentenced reduced if I name people at my sentencing in two weeks. By doing that, I'm not subject to any mandatory minimum penalty at sentencing because I provided the government with substantial assistance in the investigation which could lead to the prosecution of other members of the cartel."

"Oh my god." Piper exhaled while rubbing both hands over her face. "That's relieving yet so terribly scary at the same time, Al. What happens if you don't name anyone?"

"Do you think that I won't name someone?" Alex looked straight into her lovers now bloodshot eyes. "Piper, I will name every name I can remember to get us out of this shitty situation faster."

"No, Al, no." The younger woman shook her head. "I just worry about what might happen if you name them. I don't want them to hire someone to come stalk us or something _crazy_ like that. I know the crazy shit that went on back then, Al. I remember what they're capable of."

"I can get out on house arrest with my plea deal and complete the rest of my sentence that way if I complete the PIO program and have good behavior during my time in the prison."

"What's the PIO program?"

"Parenting Inside Out Program." Alex took another sip of her beer. "It's a ninety hour course. It consists of thirty-six, two and a half hour lessons taught over twelve weeks. So three classes a week, basically. If I successfully complete this course and keep a good record in prison, this will increase my chances of getting house arrest."

"What? You don't need parenting classes?"

"Maybe I do? If I was a good parent I wouldn't be going to prison in three weeks would I?" There was a harshness present in the older woman's tone.

"Alex, we've been over this before." The tears were welling back up in the blonde's eyes. When Alex hurt, she hurt and vice versa. "You can sit in as many parenting courses as they want you to, Alex, but it's not their decision to determine whether you're a good parent or not. It's our kid's decision and by the looks of it, they think you've hung the moon, Al."

The other woman could only shake her head. Her façade was wavering, her lip was starting to tremble. In three weeks she would be forcing her girlfriend to be an only parent as well as taking over every responsibility they had together by herself. There was so much that she wouldn't be able to be a part of and it had been picking at her since she was sitting in the cold, concrete cell three weeks ago.

* * *

 _ **T-2 Weeks…**_

 _ **Mid-May…**_

"I understand you don't like this, sweetie. You tell me every time I change your clothes." Piper's soft voice trailed up the stairs as she tended to a hysterically wailing Penelope. A diaper clad baby and a fresh pair of pajamas was in view. "I'll just be a few more seconds."

"Hey." Alex cooed as she came down the stairs and frowned at her two month old who was clearly unhappy from where she was laying on the bed. "P. What happened?"

The brunette laid across the bed on her stomach, her head coming up right to Penelope's crown, the perfect distance to place soft kisses to the infant's crown in hopes it would calm her down.

"Just her usual drama about being nude." The blonde began to dress Penelope in her sleep attire, completely oblivious to her little one's crying. They had tried everything from covering her with a blanket to using distractions while being changed to keep her content, but she still wailed until she was clothed and swaddled once again.

"Well she's obviously not like her mom." Alex mumbled, reaching up to grab the swaddle blanket from the head of the bed.

Piper could only roll her eyes at Alex's comment while huffing out a little laugh. There was ten days until Alex turned herself in. She knew her girlfriend was trying to stay positive for her and their kids, and she respected her for that, but at the same time, she was beginning to struggle with the fact that her girlfriend would be in prison for the next six to eight months. The couple's goal was to have Alex home by Christmas. Christmas would be exactly seven months from the day Alex turned herself in. Piper couldn't bear the thought of her girlfriend missing Christmas, especially since it would be their little girl's first.

"You have such a hard life don't you." Alex playfully whined back towards the infant. "Tummy time was tough today. You don't like being naked. You just can't win."

Once Penelope was fully clothed and wrapped in the warm confines of her swaddle, it was peacefully quiet in the basement again except for a few occasional whimpers. Andrew had been put to bed almost an hour ago. It seemed like this had been the quietest the basement had ever been in the past few weeks. There was always a child whining or crying, or an adult raging about the sudden upturn of their life.

"You want to put her to bed?" Piper picked up Penelope from the mattress and held her close.

Alex nodded, sitting up to receive her child. She had started relieving Piper of a lot of her duties that she could for the time being. Obviously not the nursing, but everything else that she could do to care for their baby. Alex had also been taking care of Andrew the majority of the time and Piper didn't do one thing to stop her.

"I told Andrew that I'd be going away for a while."

Piper looked up from where she had begun to search for her sleepwear.

"How did that go?"

The blonde knew that the subject of telling Andrew would be difficult for Alex. Andrew was a total momma's boy and he always had been.

"It went okay." Alex shrugged while reaching over to find Penelope's pacifier. "He asked if it was because of the bad choices I had made and if this was the consequence for it."

Piper closely watched how her girlfriend begin to trail her fingers soothingly over Penelope's cheeks, temples, and crown. The continuous motions seemed to ease her fussiness that much more. Alex had been able to perform this trick from the morning they had Andrew, but no matter how hard Piper tried, she couldn't make it feel the same way for her kids when she did it. The skill had been something Diane had done to Alex and now Alex did the same to her children.

One of the nagging questions that constantly floated around her head was how Penelope would react to seeing Alex again when she got out of prison. She knew that an infant's recognition memory didn't truly start to develop until after they turned one and the little girl would only be around nine months old when Alex would most likely return home.

"It's better that we're honest with him though." Piper stripped down to just her panties and put on an oversized Smith t-shirt and a pair of black pajama pants. "It'll help him to be honest with us on how he's handling all of it."

Alex nodded. "Thomas called again today while you were at your meeting with Polly."

"How did that go?" The blonde pulled back the covers on the bed and scooted over until she was able to lean her head against Alex's shoulder.

"Basically I have three weeks from today to turn myself in, but I want to go in a few days early. It'll look better for me in the long run."

"So you'll turn yourself in the day after your official sentencing?" Piper's heart grew heavy, a feeling she was getting too accustomed to.

"Pretty much."

"You don't want an extra full day to say goodbye to the kids?" The lump was beginning to form in the back of the blonde's throat and the amount of times she was blinking was starting to increase. Having your girlfriend suddenly sent to prison, on top of the post-partum hormones and depression she was experiencing was really a horrific experience for her. Penelope was nine weeks old and Piper prayed that soon the postpartum anxieties and depressions would ease up enough so she could learn to cope with two young children on her own.

"Pipes, if I delay, I won't go." Alex removed a hand from holding Penelope and interlaced her and her girlfriend's fingers. She was scared shitless for herself to be in prison, but she had the utmost confidence in Piper to be that strong and supportive mom to Andrew and Penelope for however long she was away for.

"I know." Piper whispered.

* * *

 _ **T-1 Week**_

As the day grew closer and closer, Piper and Alex began to question what the best way to allow Alex to depart was. Obviously, Piper would drive her to the prison two and a half hours away and drop her off, but they were confused as to how the brunette would say goodbye to her kids. There were the options of just leaving before Andrew would wake up or telling Andrew goodbye the night before. They planned to be at the prison as early as possible so it would look better for Alex's case.

Alex was torn, she didn't want to face Andrew and let him see her as vulnerable as she knew she would be, but she also couldn't bear not saying goodbye to him either. She knew he would never forgive her if she didn't. For Andrew being so young, he was picking up on the situation rather well. Alex's attorney had already suggested getting the four year old into some sort of children's program to ensure he was processing everything in the right manner, but Drew's pediatrician recommended that they start out with him routinely talking to Piper before they jumped to any conclusions about how he might react to this.

But for today, Alex was determined to put that decision aside and dedicate today to Piper and Piper only. At three in the morning while she was up tending to a particular infant who was in the mood to play instead of go back to sleep after being fed, it had dawned on the older woman that she would be missing Piper's birthday in three weeks as well as their anniversary in four months. Celebrating such events in the confines of prison visitation wasn't something she wanted for Piper or herself, so she asked Polly if she'd watch the kids for twenty-four hours while she treated her girlfriend to a night away. Before they had left the house, the brunette had one request for her lover; that they make the most of the next twenty-four hours. Piper had happily agreed.

"Do you want one?" Alex whispered into Piper's ear from where she stood behind her.

They were standing at the counter in the jewelry store. A simple, diamond bracelet had caught Piper's eye in the window, but now those eyes couldn't stop glancing at the diamond rings that were in the case next to them.

"Someday." The corners of Piper's mouth slightly raised in semblance of a smile. "When thing calm down."

"It would give you something to keep your mind occupied." Alex hooked her thumb in to the back pocket of Piper's jeans. "I mean you'd have to plan around my ankle monitor, _and_ we'd most likely have to do it in our home since I can only leave for six hours a day, but I think it's totally feasible."

The blonde could only give a pointed look before the woman returned to the counter with the bracelet she had initially came in for.

This hadn't been the first time they'd ever attempted a conversation about marriage and Alex was sure it wouldn't be the last. They'd considered it for almost the whole duration of their relationship, but neither women were in a hurry. Both Piper and Alex understood how committed they were to one another and saw the opportunity would truly present itself when the time was right. Now was not the time to get married.

After they were done in the jewelry store, the rest of their time was spent roaming through the streets of downtown New York and entering stores that had window appeal, something they used to do back in the early days of their relationship. For a good portion of their time alone, both women were able to push their current situation to the back of their minds and pretend that this was just a parents night out where they would return back home tomorrow and continue their regular routine.

It was late when they had returned back to their hotel room at the Four Seasons, both women had bags hanging from each arm. Most of the things that were bought were for Piper, but some were for their children as well. Alex's purpose was to spoil her girlfriend one last time, to try to make up for everything that had currently turned their lives upside down, but she still felt as if it wasn't enough.

That night after Alex had treated Piper to an in-room three course meal, the couple had engaged in one of the most emotion filled conversations that they were sure they'd ever had. Worries had been reassured. Ideas had been mulled over. Decisions had been made. Emotions had been validated. When the couple finally laid down in bed that night, they made love for the first time in over ten weeks. Their last time had been before Penelope was born. Piper had been cleared for four weeks now, but between the high emotions, lack of sleep, and caring for two kids from the confines of a shoebox sized basement, the thought hadn't crossed either woman's mind.

Their passionate encounters went on throughout the night, but it seemed like each time got a little bit slower. It was as if each woman was trying to draw it out so long that they could take the time to commit each moment to memory. Everything was slow, gentle, tear-filled, and intimate the entire night. Their connection had never felt stronger and the couple was trying to make the most of it because they both knew it would be the last time they'd get to connect in such an intimate way for quite a while.

* * *

 _ **The Day of…**_

" _Hello?" Piper wedged the phone between her shoulder and ear while continuing to ensure all of Alex's photos that she was taking to prison had her name on them and they met all the standard requirements. It was just after seven in the morning and they hoped to leave Polly's by eight. Penelope had been taken care of and handed off to Polly while Andrew was currently sniveling in the crook of Alex's neck as she held him close. If Piper looked close enough, she could see the unshed tears in her girlfriend's eyes too._

" _Hi, sweetie." The distinct voice of her father filtered in through the other end. "Just calling to make sure Andrew still wanted to go to lunch today."_

" _Uh." Piper glanced towards the pair who was still stuck in their embrace. "Yeah, I think that would be best. It would get him out of the house some and maybe help get his mind off things."_

 _Telling her father that Alex had been part of an international drug cartel had been one of things hardest things that Piper had thought she had ever done. Bill had been shocked to say the least and Piper had thought in that moment she was going to be disowned from her family, but someone had decided to have mercy on her. That was until she had to tell him that Alex was going to prison._

" _How is he this morning?" Bill's tone dropped to a more serious one._

" _He's pretty upset right now. He just wants Alex to hold him."_

" _I thought I'd take him to a children's museum or a movie perhaps."_

" _He would like that." Piper swallowed back her tears._

" _What about Alex? How is she holding up?"_

" _She's in good spirits. Emotional, but she's trying to be positive, so."_

" _Good." Piper could imagine her father doing his curt nod that he gave everyone. "Tell her I'm rooting for her. I'd ask to talk to her, but I know she wants to make the most of what time she has left at home."_

" _Thanks, Dad."_

 _It was quiet for a few moments before Bill spoke up again._

" _How was the sentencing yesterday?"_

" _Good. We basically knew already, but now she's signed the official forms. Her forty-five month sentence got reduced down to thirty-three months so that's good. Six to eight months in prison and then most likely after her plea deal is approved she'll be able to finish the remaining portion on house arrest."_

" _That sounds promising. I mean house arrest is still no easy task but at least she'd be able to be at home where she belongs."_

" _Yep." Piper breathed. "Made me feel a little more at ease."_

" _I'm sure it did…Are you sure you don't want me to take Penelope today as well? I think I could manage."_

 _Piper let out a wet laugh as she wiped the stray tears that had fallen. She had now moved into the laundry room in the basement to give Andrew and Alex some space. The thought of her father taking a four year old and a two month old out into New York by himself was quite amusing._

" _I think Andrew needs the one on one time today, but maybe next time." She leaned back against the dryer. "Polly's gonna watch her today."_

" _Piper if you need money for a nanny or a spot in a daycare or something I'd be more than happy to help."_

" _No, no, no, it's just for today." Aside from when Alex initially got arrested, the day Alex took Piper out, and today, Polly hadn't taken any days off to accommodate Piper and her family in the past six weeks. But then again, she was the owner and could basically work from home._

" _Have you decided what you're going to do when your maternity leave is over?" Bill's tone turned to a more concerned one. "I don't want you staying cooped up in your apartment just to watch Penelope. That's not going to do you any good."_

" _I have actually." The blonde poked her head out the door to see that Alex was now eye level with Andrew and engaged in conversation. "Alex and I decided that I'll just take P to work like we did Andrew and then hopefully around the time she starts to become mobile, Alex will be out."_

" _Piper if you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask." Piper could hear one of her father's assistant's asking for his signature in the background. "Oh, before I let you go. Have you talked to Alex about the other thing?"_

" _No. Our lease is up next month on the brownstone so I'll try closer to then. I don't want to add anything else to her plate." The moment Piper had revealed to Bill their current situation, the first thing he had asked were if the kids were going to be feeling the pinch from the cut of their finances and then he asked if it were okay if he were to ask his real estate friends about any apartments they might could rent out. Bill had turned into an even more caring and compassionate father after Piper had settled down and had Andrew and it was something the blonde would never get tired of seeing._

" _Okay, dear. That's fine. I love you and tell Alex to stay strong. I'll call you again later tonight._

" _Okay, dad. Bye."_

 _Piper couldn't even stay on the line for another millisecond before she was disconnecting the phone call to let out the sob that was begging to escape from the back of her throat._

 _They weren't really sobs of hurt or pain at the moment, but sobs of thankfulness and love for the people around her. Last night, Polly had so gratefully decided to let Alex just take an unpaid leave of absence, collect her last two months paychecks, and cash in her unused vacation time which had provided Piper with enough money to cover a few months' rent in a new place as well as pay for Andrew's preschool. Polly wasn't the least bit harsh in her decision, but for this she had to look at it from a business owner's point of view and not a friends._

 _Financially, Piper knew they could get through Alex's incarceration with their savings and her salary if they budgeted wisely, but it was all the other upcoming emotional and physical changes that were beginning to really hit Piper in the face. And those changes would start talking over her life within the next four hours._

…

On the drive to Litchfield, Piper deliberately drove five miles under the speed limit, but she felt like it didn't make any difference. The whole way she gripped Alex's hand and her lover gripped back as equally hard. Few words were spoken between the pair on the two hour drive. Both women had been in tears when they entered their sedan and they stayed that way well into their journey. Polly had about tore Andrew off of Alex when the couple left and Alex couldn't help but feel guilty for that.

About an hour into their journey, Polly had sent a picture of Andrew sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal while watching Sesame Street on the iPad. He looked one hundred percent more content than he was the last time they had seen him. A few moments later Polly had sent a picture of Penelope who was attempting a smile.

All too soon their GPS was telling them that their destination was arriving in a few hundred feet.

Alex felt her mouth go dry and her throat was beginning to constrict. Sure, she had looked at pictures on the internet, but nothing compared to the feelings she was experiencing while seeing it in person.

The outside of the prison was intimidating alone.

Piper could only imagine what it would be like on the inside and how it would treat Alex these next few months.

…

"Hey, everything go okay?" Polly was sitting on the front porch, rocking Penelope in the rocking chair." Piper could only nod as she slowly made her way up the steps, tears were still prevalent in her eyes as well as the tear streaks trailing down her face. A little piece of her felt lost, or even dead for that matter. She had to hand over her soulmate and the mother to her children. Leaving Alex at a prison was now at the top of the list as the hardest things she's ever done.

They had sat in the lobby of the federal prison for an hour before they were ready to process her into the facility. The correctional officers were somewhat blunt and showed no sympathy, but Piper had to remind herself that they were in prison, not somewhere welcoming.

Their farewell was tearful from both sides, but more so from Piper. They had been informed that Alex would be able to call her later on in the week, but no one could visit for two to three weeks until the list of visitors had been approved. Piper tried not to dwell on the fact that this would be the last time she'd see Alex for a few weeks, but everything felt like it was finally closing in on her.

The couple had hugged until the officer had grown impatient and then shared a few quick kisses. Piper couldn't bear to see Alex walk through the door so after a couple of 'I love you's' and a loving, yet painful last look at her girlfriend, she forced herself to walk back through the door she came in.

Piper had tried to hold in the rage and tears until she reached their car, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. She was sure the people walking towards her to go into the prison were looking at her like she was crazy. The blonde had sat in her car for forty-five minutes before she felt ready to make the drive back to Polly's.

"Where's Andrew?" The blonde wiped her face, but the tears still continued to trickle down her cheeks. She had cried the whole way home.

So many thoughts were running through her head it seemed like they could just eat her alive. Sure, it was only eight months max that Alex would be away, but there was so much that she would miss in that short amount of time.

"He went downstairs to get a toy." Polly studied her friends face. She knew Piper was hurting, and that she would need to continue being supportive or else who knew what kind of mental state she might spiral into.

"Okay." The blonde nodded. "Can you keep her for a little bit? I just need some time to myself."

"Yeah, of course. Go ahead, Pipe."

"Thanks, Pol."

From the moment that metal door shut, Piper was a single parent to two children and a girlfriend to an inmate. She was scared shitless. She had a four year old and a two month old. Both children were still so young that their dependence on their parents was still high, especially Penelope, but now all that dependence had fallen onto her instead of being dispersed out between herself and Alex.

As Piper made her way downstairs to the basement, small sniffles could be heard, but she thought she may have just been hearing herself. It wasn't until she saw two little, sock-covered feet sticking out from the opposite side of the bed that she noticed it was her four year old she could hear.

Making her way around the bed, she found Andrew leaned up against the side of the bed clutching a small stuffed brachiosaurus, tears were streaming down his face. Piper immediately knew the significance of the toy and she couldn't keep the small sob she let out to herself.

Her little boy was hurting, it was showing clear as day on his face. He was hurting, disappointed, and most likely confused as to why this was happening. Piper couldn't help but think that the pain he was experiencing was her fault. She wondered why she couldn't make this better.

For the four years of his life, all Drew had known was Piper and Alex. From the moment he was born he was showered with love and attention. They were his everything and now one of those important people was suddenly taken away from the picture. No child deserves heartbreak from a parent.

"Hi, baby." Piper gently sat down next to her oldest and stroked his blonde hair. It was shorter than when she last saw him this morning. He looked more like a young man than a toddler. "Did Grandpa take you to get your hair cut? I think it looks very handsome."

Andrew simply glanced over at his mother and mumbled a quick yes while fidgeting with the stuffed animal in his hands.

Obviously the four year old wasn't interested in conversation, so Piper was okay to simply sit in silence next to him. There was no sense in having a forced conversation but she wanted to let Andrew know that she was here.

It wasn't until Andrew had started to move himself into his mother's lap and cling to her neck that he said something through a tiny, whimpering voice.

"Can you hold me?"

* * *

A/N: Penny for your thoughts and predictions?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: The first section is about Alex and then goes to Piper's POV starting from the night after Piper dropped Alex off at prison.

 _ **Clinging to the Future**_

 _ **Chapter 6**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

The walls were beige and bare, unlike the ones that hung on the wall in her home that were covered with children's drawings and paintings made from little feet or little hand prints.

There wasn't the warm feeling that emanated through her body when she heard the little pitter patter of feet or the random giggle. Instead she felt the bile creeping up the back of her throat when she first stepped into the prison after going through intake.

She hadn't even been an official inmate for an hour and she had already had every orifice checked one time too many for her liking. She no longer not only had a name but she had an identification number that she had to commit to memory.

The food she was served for breakfast, lunch, and dinner looked like the baby food she had watched her girlfriend prepare when Andrew was younger. It all came from bags that simply just needed to be cut open, poured, and heated through.

She was told to sit with a certain group of people, but she kept her mouth shut. She noticed Lorna, the van driver, sitting with the group and she introduced the other people she was sitting with, but Alex didn't wish to make friends.

She didn't sleep the first night. She was stuck in a room with six bunk beds that housed some of the loudest and most annoying bunk mates. Not to mention half of them didn't seem to know the words hygiene or cleanliness.

It wasn't until day three that she found the library. Just inhaling the smell of old books gave her some sort of calmness and sense of normalcy.

At least she thought she'd had a sense of peace until a wild-haired blonde came and plopped down right next to her.

* * *

 _ **Day 1**_

Piper had her doubts about the first night without Alex, and it wasn't until Andrew retreated from where he'd been sleeping upstairs in Finn's room to downstairs in the basement with Piper that she realized it's not just going to be hard for her. She had figured it would take a few hours for Andrew to just continue on considering that's the normal response for children so young, but so far he hadn't.

"Mommy?"

"What is it, babe?" Piper blindly reaches out across the bed and over a sleeping Penelope to place a hand over whatever place it lands on her son's body. She had known he was awake the entire time, but she hoped his restlessness would eventually tire him out. Penelope on the hand, the blonde wished she could be in the infant's current state; oblivious to the situation around her and completely stress free.

"I can't sleep." His voice sounded pitiful, just as it had all day since his mother had come home. Part of their day was spent cuddling on the floor after Piper had found him crying in the basement. Anytime Piper would let up the tight hold she had around him, his whimpering would resurface. It wasn't until Polly had come downstairs to ask what kind of Chinese food they wanted to order for dinner that the two separated. Even then, Andrew requested to be near his mother whether it be being carried or clinging to the hem of her shirt.

Piper laid there silently for a moment debating on how to go about this situation. He had barely slept the night before due to him clinging to Alex until the moment his parents left. They hadn't sent him to preschool because they wanted him to be able to freely express what he was feeling and knew he wouldn't focus in a classroom. Piper had already determined she'd keep him home once again the next day to ensure he was adjusting (or at least attempting to), and that would lead them to the weekend, giving him two extra days to relax before he completed his final week of preschool.

"Do you want to put on a movie?"

Piper more felt his answer as she noticed the covers being pulled back and the bed being jostled. She heard Andrew rustling about their things and then jogged over to Piper's side, shoving a movie in her face.

"Okay." The blonde pulled Andrew close and pressed a kiss to his forehead as she sat up. "Get back in bed, but be gentle so we don't wake up your sister, okay?"

An hour into the movie, Piper glanced over and found Andrew fast asleep while Penelope was beginning to rustle about her swaddle. She had tears streaming down her face, her thoughts were getting the best of her. For the first thirty minutes of the movie, she somewhat paid attention to appease her son, but in all reality, she couldn't tell you a thing about what was going on. Her thoughts were on Alex. Was she surviving? Was she hurting just as much as she was? How is she being treated?

…

 _ **Day 5**_

The first few days without Alex had been rough. Piper and Andrew both seemed to just roam around Polly's as if Alex was going to return home any second. Most nights Piper cried herself to sleep quietly while cuddling either of her children, but no amount of tears helped her feel any kind of relief. She felt lost, as if she was just going through the motions.

The long weekend seemed longer than anticipated, but she had hope that getting Andrew back to preschool for one more week would help kick start a new routine and a new normal.

"Have a good day, sweetie." Piper smiled down at Andrew as he was about to step into his preschool classroom for the last time. She quickly bent over to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Next year he'd move into the four year old classroom and the year after that he'd start kindergarten. "We'll go get ice cream after school to celebrate summer, okay?"

Andrew eagerly nodded as he waved by to Piper and patted a hand on Penelope's back.

"I love you, mommy."

"I love you, too, baby." A part of the blonde wanted to sob because she was doing this alone and Alex wasn't here to witness it, but a part of her wanted to sob because she was experiencing a small part of excitement, a feeling she hadn't let herself feel for the past six weeks.

Piper stood with Penelope in her arms just watching Andrew through the window of his classroom. He looked so much more relaxed in the classroom with his friends. He was given a six hour distraction from the chaos at home, and Piper wished she could have the same.

Today she and her infant were scheduled to meet up with one of her father's real estate friends to look at potential apartments. In a way she had a distraction, but she felt like looking at apartments and making these choices should involve Alex as well.

It was day five, and she still hadn't heard anything from her girlfriend. They had told her it would probably be a week or so before all of her paperwork was approved and call lists were confirmed, but she didn't know how much longer she could go on without at least hearing her lover's voice.

…

"What do you think, P?" Piper gently brushed her lips over the top of Penelope's crown that was peeking out of the top of the Moby wrap. "Do you like it?"

The realtor had taken her to three apartments in the area so far and it wasn't until she had stepped foot in this last one of the bunch that she felt like she was actually closer to home. Home was where Alex and her children were, but she could finally picture herself living in this apartment despite her girlfriend's absence. She hadn't had this feeling in any of the other homes she had looked at until this one.

Something felt wrong about how she liked this apartment so much and how she had found it on her first day of apartment hunting. The blonde wasn't sure if this was a sign that things were moving on for the better, or if she needed to slow down and reassess things. She had been itching to get out of Polly's shoebox sized basement since Alex had left, but on the other hand, she enjoyed having those extra sets of hands to help out with the kids when she needed a break.

A part of her felt out of line for making these decisions on her own and not including Alex. At least twice today she had reached for her phone to call Alex and talk about the specific qualities they wanted in their apartment, but she was quickly reminded of where Alex was when she began to dial her number. The phone would've rang. She still had the line activated and the phone sat in its spot on the dresser where it was set down a week and a half previous when Alex set it down for the last time.

Piper wanted to tell her that this apartment had a small fenced in patio that also had a small patch of grass that was big enough for the kids to play in. She wanted to tell her lover that it was only fifty dollars over their budget they had agreed upon before she left. She even wanted to tell Alex that the master bedroom had an even bigger walk-in closet than what they had in their Brooklyn Brownstone that was now up to par and on the market thanks to Bill and his circle of real estate friends. But for the next six months, Piper could only write about the apartment in letters or try to elaborately describe it during visitation.

The realtor had asked about many of the amenities their Brooklyn brownstone had, but Piper didn't even want to think about that place. She hadn't even gone to help box things up and take it to Bill's storage unit a few days ago when their lease was up. All she did was meet her dad in front of the Brownstone to drop off the keys and then drove off, never looking back at the place where her world had been so abruptly turned upside down.

"I owe your father a favor and I'm aware of your circumstances, so if you would like to put a "hold" on this to keep it from going off market until you can mull it over and do what you need to do, I'm willing to do that for you." The middle-aged realtor had been nothing but considerate and respectful throughout the tour of the apartments. Piper had met him at many of her father's work banquets and country club gatherings throughout the years.

Piper glanced around the home one more time, instinctively pulling a sleeping Penelope in a little bit closer. It was in a safe neighborhood. Polly and Pete were three and a half miles away. It was just barely out of their price range. She actually felt somewhat whole in this bottom-floor apartment. She could see her life there, something she'd hadn't felt at all anywhere else she'd looked today.

"That's a deal."

…

 _ **Day 10**_

They were a week and a half in, yet things only seemed to grow worse and that new normal Piper kept hoping to settle into kept inching away. Piper was sure they were on tantrum number three of the day and Andrew had only been up an hour. In the hour he was awake, Piper was sure she'd had her finest parenting moment yet when she began to throw some of Andrew's toys out of the patio door into Polly's backyard. After continuously asking him to play with his loud toys somewhere else, she'd had enough of his screaming and resistance.

Instantly she had felt guilty. Piper would never forget the look of shock on his face before he immediately burst into tears. His face was full of hurt and also guilt, but Piper didn't falter. She wouldn't falter, at least not in front of him, but as she continued to look on at his little body shaking from the violent sobs, she couldn't help but begin to feel her bottom lip quiver and quickly blink through the building tears. It hadn't even been a week of parenting two kids all day by herself and she already felt like a failure.

From the minute she had picked him up from his last day of preschool, button after button had been pushed and there was no end in sight. On top of Andrew and his Alex like antics, Penelope had taken up the routine of screaming for three hours at night for some unknown reason and it was exhausting Piper of what little energy she had.

For a moment it was like her world went into slow motion. As she looked around, she saw Penelope beginning to jerk around in her swing. Andrew was begging to throw his body to the floor. The living room was littered with toys, baby bottles, wipes, and diapers. It was a chaotic situation and she didn't know how to stop it.

She didn't allow herself to fully break until she began to hear Penelope's little whimpers that escalated into wails. She felt as if it was two against one. She couldn't keep either of her children happy it seemed and just as much as she was struggling, she often had to remind herself that Andrew was struggling with these changes too.

"I'm sorry, baby." Piper sunk to her knees and crawled over to where Andrew had curled himself into the side of the couch. The blonde was pleased to see that her four year old didn't shy away from her touch when she gently brushed her hand down his back, instead he crawled right into her lap and let her rock him back and forth. "Mommy's sorry."

"Pipe?" She hadn't even heard Poly come down the stairs from her office located next to Finn's room on the second floor. "What's going on?"

"I just got a little overwhelmed." Piper clung to Andrew as hard as she could. He was little, and although children his age were resilient, that didn't mean that they just brushed off every bump in the road. All he had seen and heard this week was his mother yelling at him, which caused him to become even more distressed. He was used to a playful and loving Piper, not an emotional and upset Piper.

"It happens to the best of us." Polly walked across the living room and retrieved Penelope from her swing, instantly the infants wails diminished. "Why don't you take Andrew and go to the store and pick up what's on the list? Get out for a little bit and have some one-on-one time?"

Piper sat and contemplated her friends offer. She often wondered what kind of mother Polly thought she was considering she had seen her true colors the past two months they'd lived together, but she was often reassured that Polly had those moments too when she observed how Polly dealt with Finn. They'd lived together before, but that was when she and Alex had just began dating and they didn't have their own children.

This extent of living together was something completely different. Although she was thrilled that Andrew had Finn for a playmate and she had the extra hands to help with Penelope, she couldn't help but weigh the pros and cons of renting an apartment so soon. Was she ready? Was she emotionally ready to be completely by herself with an infant and a four year old?

"Do you want to go to the store with me?" Piper wiped her cheeks and nuzzled the side of her son's face. "I'll let you sit in the cart."

Andrew nodded as he wrapped his little arms even tighter around Piper's neck.

The blonde wasn't sure if rewarding her son at the moment was the right thing to do, but she needed some peace and she needed to make sure her firstborn knew that he was still so loved despite the circumstances.

…

The trip to the store was what Piper and Andrew needed. She was sure she went up and down every aisle of the market simply letting Andrew ramble and ask questions about anything and everything before she actually started to put the items she needed into the basket.

They talked about a new home. They talked about things they could do over the summer until school started again. They even talked about Alex and how Andrew interpreted the situation of her being in prison. But most importantly, Piper made it known that whatever he may be feeling is completely okay and that she was right there to help him through it. She even apologized for how the last week had been, and Andrew accepted her apology. There were moments of frankness from her four year old, but maybe that's what she needed to hear. By the end of their shopping trip, she felt as if the tension between her and her child was slowly diminishing. She felt as if he had a better understanding of the upcoming changes and she had also met her goal of the trip to the market; get a full, genuine laugh that exposed every single tooth in her son's mouth.

"Go play with Finn for a little bit and then it'll be bath time." Piper removed the plate from in front of her son and watched him and Finn scamper into the living room.

"I take it the little shopping trip helped some?" Polly set a glass of red wine in front of Piper and sat across from her at the table.

The blonde nodded, and took a swig of her wine.

"He's still kind of temperamental, but I think we're still going to have those moments. He's only four. I can't imagine how this looks from his point of view."

"Finn was really moody around that age. He once told me I was the worst mother ever for taking away his Legos and as he was storming out of the living room, he stepped on a stray Lego and proceeded to blame me for that too."

Piper chuckled as she glanced into the living room where the boys were. Penelope was with Pete as they explored the backyard and made sure the sprinkler settings were correct.

"I've felt like the worst mother ever the past few days."

"We've all been there."

As Piper went to reply her phone began to ring from where it sat on the kitchen table. It was an unknown number. She'd already gotten her hopes up twice that day, but it was simply the wrong number or the hotlines that call and tell you that you've won a free cruise.

"Is it Alex?" Polly craned her neck to look at the number.

Piper shrugged and answered. Instantly she was greeted with an automated voice that was informing about an inmate wanting to contact her.

"It's her." Piper quickly scooted the chair across the kitchen floor, causing it to screech and ran down the stairs and into the basement.

She closed the door and pressed one, holding her breath until she heard the distinct voice of her girlfriend on the other end.

"Piper?"

Instantly she felt a wave of emotion flood over her. The positivity and happiness she had gained from the afternoon with her son seemed to have vanish as she quickly remembered the reality of the current situation.

"Alex." She breathed.

"I only have a few minutes because there's a line and they get pretty bitchy when you go a second over five minutes." Piper was pleased to hear that her girlfriend hadn't lost her sarcasm.

It was silent for a few seconds before Alex spoke again.

"Pipes? Could you say something?"

"I'm just so relieved to hear that you're okay." The blonde sighed.

"God I miss you and the kids so fucking much."

"We miss you too, Al." Piper wiped the tears that trailed down her cheeks.

"How are they?"

Piper contemplated telling Alex the truth about how chaotic it had been, but she didn't want Alex to worry. The blonde was already feeling rueful because they already had an agreement that the first time Alex called she would only talk to Piper. Piper didn't even want to think about what Andrew would do if he found out Alex called and he didn't get to speak to her.

"They've been as good as they can be. Andrew's been bored since preschool ended and Penelope's taking up screaming as her hobby."

"Is Andrew handling everything okay?"

" _No."_ Piper thought. _"He's terrified that he's never going to see his mama again and his little body doesn't know how to cope with all the stress that's been building around him."_

"He's been more moody than I've ever seen him, but we're working through it." Piper choked back the sob that was threatening to escape the back of her throat. She hated lying to Alex, but she didn't want her girlfriend to think she couldn't handle this by herself. She wanted to stay strong for Alex.

* * *

 _ **June 7**_ _ **th**_

She spent her twenty-third birthday wondering if the life she had known before meeting Alex in that shitty college bar was all a dream because she didn't feel like she was actually living until she met her.

She spent her twenty-sixth birthday trying to cope without that seductive, raven-haired goddess she had gotten so used to over the past three years. She was nearing the point where she just couldn't bear to compete with Alex's monster of a job anymore.

She spent her thirty-second birthday between the confines of four wooden walls surrounded by a massive ocean being showered with love and passion from Alex. They had gone to Cambodia, a place that Alex had bookmarked as Piper's favorite place since the first time they visited years ago.

Now she was spending her thirty-seventh birthday sitting across from her girlfriend in a beige-walled prison for the very first time, their two month old daughter sleeping soundly in Alex's arms. She had thought things had finally levelled off in their lives and everything would be smooth from there on out, but it had all seemed to fall apart again.

"I thought we agreed not to bring either one of them for a few weeks until you got used to this?" Alex gently adjusted Penelope's small strawberry covered dress that had navy, polka-dotted bloomers attached to it.

"Almost every night for the past week and a half she's just screamed from around eight and doesn't stop until around eleven." Piper sighed. "Plus Polly couldn't keep her on such short notice and I didn't want to leave her with my dad and Andrew."

"Witching hour." Alex raised an eyebrow.

Piper simply nodded.

"Both of them have been teaming up on me. If one's not crying, the other is. If one's not stacking blocks on the baby's head, then the baby's annoying her brother with all her crying."

"You told me on the phone that they'd been behaving."

"I didn't want to worry you." Piper mumbled. She studied the inmates that were looking through the glass window. She wondered what their stories were.

"Piper, I know I can't do much from inside here, but I want to at least know about things."

"It's just been…a little harder than I'd expected." Piper sighed before making eye contact with her lover. Alex looked paler than usual, but she could tell that this visit alone was helping her spirits. "I snapped at Andrew the other day. He's been much better since then, but I still feel guilty for how things were handled."

"I started my parenting course this week. We talked a lot about how children adapt to a parent or loved one being placed in prison. They emphasized that a lot of one-on-one time and self-reflecting is essential for them to get through it." Alex reached across the table to grasp on of her girlfriends hands. "It's gonna take some time, Pipes."

"I know." Piper wiped a stray tear. "I worry about Penelope too. I wonder if her screaming is her telling me how stressed she's been too."

"Take it easy on, mommy." Alex planted a gentle kiss to her infant's cheek. How Alex was acting now reminded Piper of when both of their children were just born. She had looked at their children in awe for hours and showered them with affection. "You and your brother, both."

Piper tried to put on as much of a smile as she could.

"I didn't think I'd get visitation privileges until next week."

"I was surprised when you called and asked if I could come today." Piper had about rolled out of bed when Alex had asked for her to come for visitation. The blonde had no qualms about it being on her birthday, all she wanted was to see her girlfriend.

The moment she had seen Alex walk into the visitation room, a feeling of serenity had washed over her. Alex was in one piece. She wasn't bruised or battered. She actually had somewhat of a smile on her face when she had locked eyes with the blonde.

"I'm so happy to see you." Alex squeezed her girlfriend's hand which Piper squeezed equally as hard.

"Us too." Piper smiled.

Even if she was in a beige colored prison, she was happy she could be with her girlfriend on her birthday. It would have been complete if it was in their own home with both of their kids, but she decided she would take what she was offered.

…

From the moment she stepped into Bills Upper West Side apartment, she finally felt a sense of peace. She had finally seen her lover and visitation wasn't as terrifying as she had made it out to be. Penelope was cooing in her carrier and as she set her down to get her out, she found her first born curled up on the couch fast asleep. He even looked like a sense of peace had washed over him as well.

"How've they been adjusting?" Bill placed a plate of pancakes in front of his daughter and sat down with his own plate across from her. Before the older man took his first bite, he reached across to Piper's lap where Penelope was lounging to brush a hand over the infant's outstretched arm. Piper had never seen him so smitten until his grandchildren were born.

"It's tantrum after tantrum with Andrew, although the past few days he's let up some. It's snuggle, feed, snuggle, feed with her. Sometimes both of them are going at it at once and it's just so overwhelming." Piper glanced over at her four year who was still soundly asleep on the couch. "I got so frustrated with him the other day that I opened the back door at Polly's and threw a couple of toys out in the yard and closed the door. Of course he started to wail and that caused Penelope to start to wail. I felt _so_ shitty after that. I don't know how long we sat there and cried until Polly came to the rescue."

Bill could only smirk at his daughter as she looked back at him puzzled as to why he was smiling.

"Dear, you're only beginning to get into the trenches of parenting. If you think that was the epitome of a rough day of parenting, you're gonna have a long road ahead of you."

"I just feel like part of the problem is that he and I don't have that connection that he has with Alex." Piper took a bite of her food and glanced down at a content Penelope. "He knew better than to push buttons with Alex, so he's taking advantage of her not being here."

"Piper, that's the most absurd comment I've ever heard from you." Bill shook his head as he pushed away his plate. "Dear, every parent has a unique relationship with each of their children. Just as Alex and Andrew have a special sort of connection, you do as well, and I know you know that. I've seen that bond between you two since he was born.

"He's your first-born, Piper. There's always a special connection between a mother and her firstborn. You've just allowed your emotions to overwhelm your priorities and he doesn't know how to cope with everything around him. He's struggling just as you are."

"This was all just so sudden." Piper felt the lump beginning to grow in her throat. "It's been so hard for me to adjust to doing all this on my own."

"Piper." Bill reached across the table to grab his daughter's hand. "You're not alone. I know you're hurting. I can identify since having gone through a divorce, but you're not alone. You have a wonderful support team around you that wouldn't bat an eye if you asked for help."

"I know." Piper wiped a stray tear, but was quickly distracted when she heard a faint whimper coming from Andrew. The young blonde gently passed over Penelope before rushing into the living room.

With a few gentle back rubs and soothing whispers, Andrew quieted down and resumed his restful snooze.

"Your actions and demeanor are going to rub off onto them if it hasn't already. Even this little one." Bill slightly bounced a cooing Penelope as Piper sat back down. "You have to push through and show some little inkling of happiness and positivity or these next few months are going to be even worse."

The blonde nodded as she swatted at the tears that had escaped.

"How was the apartment hunting last week?" Bill changed the subject to lighten the now heavy atmosphere.

"I think we'd like to rent the last one we looked at…" Piper took another bite off of her plate. "I talked to Alex about it today and she seemed to like what I could describe to her. Plus, I think that us getting into our own place and having some space would help us to establish this new chapter."

"I told him to save the best for last." Bill smiled on at his daughter. "I thought the patio and grassy area was perfect for Andrew to spend some of his energy. The kitchen was quite expansive too…"

…

"Mommy, I can hold her." Piper felt Andrew softly tapping her side before she heard him. As she turned, she found him peering up at her with his bright green eyes. The blonde had felt his gaze on her for the past thirty minutes as she juggled a baby in one arm and cleaned up the basement with the other.

"I just got her to sleep, babe." Piper had hoped both children would go down once they got home from Bill's, but Andrew's late nap kept him from falling asleep again. Penelope, on the other hand, was switching off from sleeping and her recent nightly screaming.

The mother of two continued on throwing clothes into random piles to be washed, not aware of the dejected look that was on her sons face as he retreated back to the bed to continue watching television.

It was quiet for another five minutes before Piper's arm was growing tired of holding her infant, but she feared Penelope would wake up again and scream uncontrollably until she felt it was okay to stop. The blonde wanted to take advantage of this newfound motivation to be somewhat productive, but Polly nor Pete were home to pass the baby off to so she could do those things.

The basement was a wreck. In some ways she thought it resembled her mental and emotional state. She had had no motivation to clean or at least fold the mounds of clothes that were stacked on top of suitcases. The overwhelming unhappiness she had felt the past couple of weeks had left her paralyzed almost. She did just enough to get by and ensure her children were taken care of, but sometimes she felt like that wasn't even enough.

As Piper glanced back over at her four year old, she saw the pouted bottom lip that Andrew was sporting. Her father had been right, despite how broken and confused she was, she needed to put her children first. They were feeding off her emotions and it was taking a toll on all of them.

Instantly she felt guilty. Andrew constantly tried to be helpful despite his recent tantrums. He was experiencing things he'd never felt before and didn't possess the skills to cope with it himself so he needed Piper to guide him through it just like she wished she had someone to help her through it.

"Drew? Do you still want to hold her?" The blonde walked closer to her preschooler. His eyes instantly lit up. "Get a pillow so your arms don't get tired."

"I'm ready, mommy." Andrews smile was genuine and his arms were outstretched. The blonde hoped those smiles would appear more and more frequently as they both adjusted to this new normal.

The transfer of Penelope from Piper to Andrew as seamless. The infant hadn't even noticed she was out of her mother's arms.

"Please try to be still so she can keep sleeping, okay?" Piper smiled at her two children together and knelt down to place a gentle kiss on Penelope then Andrew's forehead.

Andrew could only beam with pride as he let his head rest against his sisters.

"Is that your baby?" The amount of love that was coursing through her veins at the sight in front of her was distracting her from the overbearing despondency she had been feeling.

The four year old simply nodded and returned his attention back to his sister. Piper found it completely interesting at how protective and involved Andrew had been the past two and a half months since Penelope was born.

"Let me know if you need to get up and I'll help you."

"I got her, mommy." Andrew's tone was confident as he let a hand graze over the downy hairs on his sister's head. Penelope took up his whole lap, but he didn't seem to mind.

For the first time in weeks, Piper felt more peace within herself than the crippling gloom that had taken over her life seven weeks ago.

* * *

 _ **Day 14**_

They had exactly one week before they were able to move into their new apartment. She had just signed the papers earlier that morning. She felt as if things might be going for her for once.

"Hey, Pipe?" Polly's voice trailed from the top of the stairs down into the basement.

"Yeah, Pol?" Piper finished changing Penelope's diaper and picked the infant up from the bed.

"A letter just came in the mail for you. It's from your daughter."

"What?" Piper's tone was incredulous. She met Polly halfway up the stairs and took the letter from her hand.

The sender just had a little "P" in the top left corner and nothing else, with the receiver being sent to Piper at Polly's address.

It was Alex's handwriting, but was "sent" from Penelope.

The second Piper opened the letter, she was greeted with a page full of Alex's handwriting, but read the letter from Penelope's point of view.

 _Hey mommy._

 _I've wanted to write to you, but I'm still too little to learn._

 _I've wanted to have conversations with you but you can't understand me._

 _I see you. You're doing a great job._

 _I hear you. Every kiss, every hug._

 _I just want you to know you're doing an amazing job._

 _Even on the days I see you cry, I hear you yell, I smell you un-showered and I feel your tears drop on my head as you continue to try and rock me to sleep._

 _I just want you to know that I wake up every day fresh and new. I'm still super excited to see you every time I wake up. I'm not mad you snapped at me or my brother the other day. I'm not mad that you cried. You're one of my favorite people. The comfort, the shelter, and the love I need as I grow. So when you think you're not enough, know you are._

 _You're my voice when I can't speak._

 _You're my strength when I can't bare my weight._

 _You're my courage when I'm scared._

 _You're my safe haven. My heart. My soul._

 _You've got this. We've got this._

 _Love, Penelope_

* * *

A/N: Hello! I'm terribly sorry to keep you guys waiting so long. Finals are three weeks away and I've recently had some medical issues that have come about that have needed immediate attention so my priorities haven't been on writing.

Thank you for patience and thank you for your continued support.

P.S. To the reviewer who offered me one million pennies for an update, that was very kind of you, but I can't take your money. Save that for a rainy day!


	7. Chapter 7

_**Clinging to the Future**_

 _ **Chapter 7**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

"Those your nieces and nephews?"

"No." Alex chortled as she taped up her four allowed pictures into her newly acquired bunk.

"Uh, god kids?" Nicky tried again as she looked over Alex's shoulder.

"Nope."

"They can't be yours." Nicky's eyes grew wide. "Your figure's too perfect for them to come from that body."

"I didn't give birth to them. My girlfriend did, so technically they're _ours_."

Alex could see the cogs turning in Nicky's brain as she tried to process this new information.

"You've been in here two and a half weeks. How am I just now learning this about you?"

Alex shrugged while turning to tape the last photo to the cinder block. It was of her and Piper sitting on the back of a speedboat, cuddled up together under a large beach towel, just off the coast of Italy. The photo had been taken years ago, before their kids were thought of, before settling down into domesticity was verbalized. It was taken in Alex's prime while she was the top importer in the drug cartel. They'd been happy to spend hundreds of dollars a night on hotels they barely used unless they were sleeping or fucking. All they had needed was each other as they traveled the globe at Kubra's expense.

"Did your girlfriend come like that?" Nicky motioned to the photo Alex had just hung up.

"Like what?"

"Knocked up. There's no way someone like you would want screaming, shitting babies."

"No, we mutually decided on the first one. The second one was sort of iffy." A small smirk was growing across the brunette's features.

"I take it the second one is almost brand new if the kid in these photos is the same kid you were holding at visitation."

"Yep. Three months old." Alex pointed to a picture of Penelope bundled up in the confines of her swaddle. In the photo she was only hours old. Then the brunette pointed to a recent picture of her and Andrew at the Yankees game they had attended for his fourth birthday. "He's four years old."

"Jeez, that must have been rough leaving that behind."

"Don't even get me started." Alex shook her head and brushed past Nicky in hopes that dinner was something that looked aesthetically pleasing. "A girlfriend, two kids, a nice apartment that we saved for years for, and great job all down the drain in less than ten minutes."

"Maybe your house and job, but not your girlfriend and kids. They still see the good in you."

* * *

This was the most relaxed she'd felt since she was able to visit her girlfriend and see her in person.

Polly was right, their new lavender bath bomb from their summer line worked wonders and if Piper tried hard enough, it was like she could picture herself lying in a field of lavender with nothing to worry about.

The water in the bathtub was just warm enough to cause goosebumps to rise, but that was how she liked it. She could feel the warmth seeping deep into her muscles allowing them to fully release the tension they held.

This bath wasn't ideal. Her idea of a perfect bath would be this exact aroma, candles, a bottle of wine, and Alex, but when she opened her eyes, she was brought back to reality. There was an infant's bathtub laying across the edges, a plethora of children's bath toys, a sippy cup, and superhero themed bubble bath. The door was even open all the way, taking that much more privacy away from the current alone time she had.

Piper could see Penelope through the mesh siding of her bassinette. Her tiny tummy raising up and down as she let out little puffs of air. Usually she'd just lay her in bed, but the blonde was worried that Andrew would disturb her if he came down from the room he was sharing with Finn. Those times Andrew would wander down to the basement at night were dwindling since the stress of Alex leaving was evening out and Finn was out of school, which meant they could secretly stay up after being tucked in. He didn't know his mother knew that, but they were boys and soon they wouldn't be together every day.

After a few more moments of staring at her sleeping child, she turned back to what she had dangling over the edge of the tub.

Penelope's (Alex's) letter.

She was sure she'd read it at least a hundred times the past few days since she'd received it. It had been exactly what she needed after the past few weeks. With her children's unstable emotions, the move, and attempting to make time for herself, this letter had been the remedy to ease some of that pent up frustration and give her the reassurance that she was doing the absolute best she could being a single parent. Not necessarily a single parent, but being the _only_ parent since the other was three hours away in the confines of a prison.

The first time she had read it, she'd had to sit down at the bottom of the stairwell and have a moment of just pure candidness. Tears had poured out of her eyes as she took in each line of the letter. She hadn't even noticed that she was littering her daughters face with her own tears until Polly had gently plucked her from her arms.

As Piper lay in the tub, she read the same five lines, over and over again until she could recite them by memory.

 _You're my voice when I can't speak._

 _You're my strength when I can't bare my weight._

 _You're my courage when I'm scared._

 _You're my safe haven. My heart. My soul._

 _You've got this. We've got this._

Piper knew that that was a hidden meaning behind what she first read. Alex wasn't only talking about Piper and Penelope in that part of the letter, she was talking about Piper being all those qualities for her girlfriend in this time of uncertainty.

There hadn't been a time when she had spoken to Alex whether it be at visitation, through a letter, or on the phone that her girlfriend didn't spend a few minutes appreciating all that she'd been doing for her and her kids.

* * *

"Hey, babe."

Alex exhaled a sigh of relief when she heard Piper's voice come through the phone. She had been walking down the hall and noticed a phone open with no line behind her, so she jumped right on it hoping to the high heavens that her girlfriend answered. She had been able to speak to her girlfriend and son a few days ago, but was cut short by the yelling inmates behind her demanding that she wrap her phone call up. All in all, she was happy that she spoke to Andrew for a few minutes before Piper took the phone from him. There hadn't been any hard feelings from her oldest and he had talked to her as if she was at home with him. It had been the first time she'd spoken to him since they day she turned herself in.

"Hey, Pipes."

"It's so good to hear your voice."

Instantly Alex noted that her girlfriend sounded a little distant or anxious. She could clearly hear Penelope fussing in the background.

"What's going on? How was your trip to Polly's parents?"

"The way up there, the kids were great. They both slept the entire way and were pleasant at Polly's parents' house, but on the way home…" Penelope's scream echoed through the phone, causing Alex to briefly pull the phone away from her ear. "Hold on a sec, Al.

There were a few ruffles mixed with Penelope's lessening screams before everything went silent.

"Okay. Sorry. We've had a rough day."

"It's all good, babe."

"Anyways, the way home was terrible. I drove since we took our car and it started to rain like crazy. The lightning and thunder was scaring Andrew so he was already whining and then P just started screaming her head off to the point of crocodile tears and losing her voice from the screaming. I felt so helpless. Polly was trying to hold Andrew's hand across Penelope's car seat and she was trying to soothe P with her pacifier." Piper paused a moment. "We finally got off the highway to where I could pull over and switch with Polly and get in the back. I fed P with the boob out leaned awkwardly over her car seat while Polly drove. Not the safest I know, but parenting isn't glamourous."

"I'm sorry, Pipes." Alex's heart ached knowing that her girlfriend and two children were still having rough days, but that was to be expected whether it was just one or both of them parenting. "How're things now?"

"Good, Andrew is down for a nap and P's eating again if you couldn't tell." Piper sighed. "Is it possible for her to want the boob twenty-three hours of the day?"

"I don't blame her." Alex chuckled. She knew Piper was grinning just from the way she let out a small breath. It grew quiet for a moment as the brunette glanced behind her, there was still no line and someone had just hung up one of the other phones. "How are you doing after all that?"

"Well, I cried on the way home. I was stressed and anxious. I was just a mom trying to do my best just like everyone else does despite the situation they're in." Alex noticed a line beginning to form for the phones. "Polly wanted to know if I wanted to go back and leave them with Finn and his grandparents for the week."

"They dismissed my parenting class today with a quote from L.R. Knost that says, 'When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm. Not join their chaos.' It really spoke to me considering our situation and how things have been at home for you."

"This is only temporary. That's what I tell myself every day." Alex could hear Penelope's soft little grunts and suckles, causing that constant ache in her chest to grow a little stronger. "Enough about me. Tell me about you. Have you got a job assignment yet?"

"I did actually. I got placed in grounds crew a couple of days ago. A girl named Lolly almost chopped my fingers off with garden shears but oh well. It would've put some excitement in my life."

Piper chuckled.

"Maybe you don't need your fingers, but I do."

* * *

"Hey, that's enough." Piper chuckled as she pulled Andrew away from where he was hovering over a sleeping Penelope in her swing. "Let your sister sleep."

"Mommy, that's all she does."

"She's a baby. That's what babies do." The blonde pulled her son closer and wrapped her arms around him. "She did smile at you earlier so you can add that to the list of things she can do."

"It was just _gas_." Drew raised his eyebrows to his hairline to emphasize his claim.

"Nah, it was real. I promise. She's just now learning how to smile so she can't do it automatically like we can."

"I'm hungry."

"Why don't you come help me unpack the rest of the kitchen and then we can order pizza?" The blonde let a soft hand rub down the back of her son's head. "I'll even let you pick the topping."

Andrew studied his mother and thought of the offer at hand for a moment before his features softened into a smile. "Okay. Can we get a cookie pizza too? Please, mommy. It's our first night here and we need cookie pizza for that."

"We'll see."

That was good enough for Andrew, because he bolted up from the couch and bounded into the kitchen.

Before Piper could get up from her place on the couch, she could hear her son attempting to drag boxes from beside the dining room table into the kitchen.

As she stood up, she walked the few feet towards her sleeping infant and readjusted her blanket around her before pressing a button to restart the swaying motion of the swing.

…

Three hours, a completely unpacked kitchen, a surprise visit from Bill, a pepperoni pizza (and a cookie pizza), and two bathed and tucked in children later, Piper found herself lying in her own bed. The only thing missing from this almost perfect first night in their new apartment was Alex. In some ways, Piper felt horrible for being able to enjoy this new beginning while her girlfriend was stuck in a concrete box with hundreds of other women.

Across the room, she could see Penelope through the slats of her crib, swaddled and fast asleep. She wouldn't stay there all night. The mother thought the baby was still too young to spend the whole night there, but she had put her in there while getting her son ready for bed. Somehow she hadn't woken herself up (yet) in a panic because she wasn't near Piper.

Penelope was an infant who needed a lot of comfort. The three month old didn't like to be alone. Even when she is sleeping, she likes touch whether it be holding a finger, resting her hand on Piper, Piper's arm around her (her favorite), or cradled. And Piper had no problems with that except for when her child was being so clingy she couldn't set her down for more than a second.

This child had been the polar opposite of her first child. Andrew had liked to be only in his diaper. Penelope didn't. Andrew didn't like being held constantly and preferred his space. Penelope didn't. Andrew had liked sleeping during the night. Penelope didn't.

Considering their new apartment had two bedrooms, the blonde had greatly debated conjoining Andrew's bedroom with Penelope's nursery, but ultimately decided against it. Andrew was already under enough emotional change and stress, she wasn't sure he needed another being change introduced into his daily routine. In some ways, having Penelope share a room with her mother was actually comforting for her. Although the infant could only coo and give the occasional smile, Piper didn't feel as lonely without Alex to share the bedroom with as well.

Before she had got Andrew ready for a bath and bed, she'd allowed him to run about the small patch of grass they had just off the back patio. He had looked so carefree and the giggle and laughs constantly flowed out of him as he ran his energy out. Their "backyard" as Andrew called it, was only about one hundred square feet, but it was perfect for him. It had a tall wooden, privacy fence around it and a small tree in the corner. Bill had even came and attached an infant's swing to the back patio for Penelope once she grew a little bit more.

It was the perfect single parent's home. It wasn't their Brooklyn brownstone that they had fell so deeply in love with, but it felt like home for this journey they had ahead of them.

* * *

A/N: Hi. Long hiatus, I know. I recently started my very first real job and next week I start my senior year of college.

Super short, I know. Just trying to get back into the swing of this. Drop some suggestions if you so choose.

I promise I haven't abandoned this though. I just needed some time to unwind and focus on other things. I have seen the reviews you've all left on my fics and thanks so much for those!

P.S. To the anon who doubled their offer to 2 million pennies, I still can't accept that. That's your money, but if you wanted to take me to lunch or something, I mean, I wouldn't protest. I'm just kidding, please keep your money.


	8. Chapter 8

_Clinging to the Future_

 _Chapter 8_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 _When they were together, it was like time had stopped ticking and there was nothing that could penetrate their bubble. So, when Alex proposed they take a drive in her Porsche, Piper had expected it to be a simple drive down the highway, but they had ended up driving all the way Maine._

 _They had been together for almost a year and they still hadn't ran out of things to talk about. Every conversation was so full of energy and they constantly challenged the other to think more critically._

 _Their sex life was even still as healthy and rambunctious as it was in the beginning. Anytime or any place the mood struck, they allowed their desires to wash over their bodies without giving it another thought. That little spark had turned into a blazing wildfire over the past year. If Alex wanted to have a raunchy, rough tryst in the garage of her apartment building, Piper let her have her way with her. If Piper wanted to have a slow, romantic, and passionate lovemaking session in the confines of their spacious bathtub, Alex always obliged. No fantasy or need was left unfilled between the two._

 _It wasn't a surprise that Alex had asked her to move in only six months into their relationship. The blonde had said yes with no hesitancies and never looked back. Of course, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. They'd had their fair share of disagreements already (especially about Alex's hobby of "collecting" things) and, thankfully only one argument that left them sleeping in different areas of the apartment, but that was quickly rectified once Piper realized she couldn't sleep by herself. She needed that physical contact with her lover._

" _Hey." A dusky voice brought her out from her reverie. The fact that they were cruising down the highway well above the speed limit wasn't even present in her mind. "Where'd you go?"_

 _Piper smiled up at her girlfriend from where she was leaning with her back against the driver's side door, her arms wrapped around Alex's neck, and her legs stretched over the center console and into the passenger seat._

" _Just thinking of how eleven months ago, I was coming to the conclusion that I was going to have to lead the WASPY life of suburbia with no spontaneity, white picket fences, and a new baby every eighteen months, but instead I'm here." Piper let her left hand come to rest on Alex's cheek. She was able to see all of Alex's facial features with more clarity this close. Her pale skin. Emerald eyes. Precisely plucked eyebrows. Light pink lips that were so very talented. She was beautiful. "I'm here with you."_

" _You keep tabs on how many months we've been together?" A hint of red appeared on Alex's cheeks. It was all she could do to make a sarcastic comment to Piper's confession. "What are you? Twelve?"_

" _Don't be like that." The blonde shoved Alex's shoulder with a knowing smirk._

" _Do you really think you should be assaulting me when I'm trying to drive?" That irresistible eyebrow that always seemed to raise when Alex was being cheeky, completely caught Piper and caused her to feel those butterflies begin to flutter around in her stomach._

" _I've seen your Palm Pilot calendar and I also know that those flowers that show up on the dining room table don't just magically appear around the same time every month for no reason."_

 _As a couple, they took the more laid back and go with the flow approach to their relationship. Instead of going out every month to celebrate, Alex left flowers in the middle of the dining room table, and in the vase was the same number of flowers that corresponded to how many months they'd been together._

 _Piper on the other hand, mixed it up. In the early months, she offered to cook Alex's favorite meals, but the longer they were together, the more those meals turned into nights of lingerie or simply watching a movie on the couch with a box of takeout._

 _Yet neither one of them had actually ever said "Happy Anniversary" along with their "gifts"._

 _Alex could only smirk down at her lover and then dip her head lower to capture the blonde's lips._

 _Next month they'd be together for twelve whole months. That was a record for her. Diane had told her from the first time she met Piper that this one was the one. Alex had known that since she'd laid eyes on her in that grungy bar back in Manhattan._

 _The kiss was eager. More so than when Alex had first pulled her over the center console and into her lap to have her way with her. The two of them alone with miles and miles of empty highway ahead of them was a dangerous thing._

 _It wasn't long into the kiss until Piper had so impatiently pulled Alex's hand from the steering wheel and guided it into her already unbuttoned jeans._

 _Instantly Alex's fingers were greeted with the warm, silky essence of her girlfriend._

* * *

"How're you guys settling in? Do you like your new apartment?"

Polly finished bagging a customer's products and thanked them before turning to Piper who was restocking the front counter with a new shipment of limited-edition scents.

"Yeah, the kids love it. It's cozy. It's what we needed."

Polly had noticed Piper had seemed a little more tired in the mornings and her eyes had darker bags than usual under them, but she had just associated it to Penelope being up at all times of the night. Though when she noticed it for almost two weeks straight, she was beginning to wonder if it was more than just Penelope needs.

"Finn keeps asking when you guys are moving back in. He misses Drew."

"Andrew asks about Finn a lot. I guess Penelope isn't good enough company for him." Piper smiled softly as she turned back to the task at hand.

"Are you doing okay, Pipes?" Polly didn't want to waste any more time beating around the bush. The brunette moved closer to her friend and waited for an answer.

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"You've just been a little more distant here lately and to be honest, you look like complete and total shit. Like not just I have a newborn at home, but like I have newborn _triplets_ and they only sleep thirty minutes a day."

"Thanks for your concern, but I don't come to work to attract people. I have a job to do." The blonde's tone turned defensive. Had it been anyone else telling her she looked like shit, Piper would have lost it.

"Piper, I know you're still working your way through all of this that's happened the last few months, and I hurt right along with you, but this has been worse the past few weeks." Polly wasn't letting up. They'd been friends for too long for her to just start walking away when she knew Piper was upset. "Is it the baby? Or Andrew? Do you need a night or two to yourself? I would be _so_ willing to do that for you if it helped."

Piper took a breath and let herself relax onto a barstool behind the front counter.

"Do you ever just have this feeling in your chest like something has happened, but you don't know what it is?"

"Of course. I had that feeling when Pete left after Finn was born. You had told me he had stepped out for some air and he didn't come back for thirty-eight days. I knew where he went. He'd been talking about it for weeks, but that feeling got progressively worse until I heard from him. That was when he texted me saying he was in Alaska at a hospital because he was getting stitches on his leg. After that, the feeling subsided to a more annoying and tolerable level, but it was nothing compared to the almost suffocating feeling I was having before he texted."

The mother of two turned around to poke her ear in the direction of her and Alex's office to detect any sound coming from her infant, but it was quiet.

"I've been waking up and bolting upright in bed with cold sweat drenching my body for the past few weeks. It's not every night, but it's been happening more and more. That on top of Penelope feeding every few hours has been hard to deal with."

"Is it Alex? Have you heard from her?"

"No, I talk to her two to three times a week and I've seen her and it's nothing to do with her. I've racked my brain a million times going through everything piece by piece and there's nothing I can think of that would do this to me."

"Have you thought about PTSD? A lot has happened the past few months. Have you thought about seeing a therapist?"

The bell on the door jingled.

"Mommy!" Andrew and Finn came barreling down the main aisle and into their mother's.

"Hi, baby." The mother bent down to press a kiss to his cheek. His hair was matted to his face. She could still see drops of sweat trickling down his brow. "Did you have fun at the park with Finn?"

Finn's babysitter, Maggie, came in behind both boys lugging a tote of various toys.

"We played at the splash area and got ice cream from the ice cream truck!"

Just as Piper went to reply, the distinct sounds of Penelope's crying filtered down the hallway.

"Just a second, babe. Let me go get your sister."

Polly could instantly see Andrew's dissatisfaction with his sister interrupting his telling of events. It was something she often saw when the family was staying in her basement. She knew Piper was doing her best to juggle two kids while her girlfriend was incarcerated, and she constantly asked her friend if she could keep Penelope of both kids, so everyone could get the attention they needed.

"Hey dude, I heard you get to see someone this weekend." Polly bent down to Andrew's level. Her own son had greeted her and immediately ran to Polly's office to play on her iPad.

"I get to see my Mama." Andrew's eyes were filled with pride. "Mommy took pictures and we're taking them too her."

"Tell her what else you did this week." Piper reappeared from her office. Penelope was now content with being in her mother's arms as she took in her surroundings.

"Hi, P." Andrew pressed a kiss to his sister's dangling foot. "I got to talk to Mama on the phone. She listened to me count to fifty."

* * *

"Are you excited, babe?" Piper glanced into the rearview mirror. Her son hadn't stopped grinning the whole drive to Litchfield. The drive was almost becoming second nature. This would be her third time visiting Alex. The first time she had brought Penelope after not being able to find childcare on such short notice. The second time was by herself a couple of weeks ago. Today was the third time, and she had her four-year-old in tow.

There was even a surprise for the little boy. Recently his little sister had been a big nuisance for him, and Piper was fed up with it, so she and Alex had devised a plan to see if it would remedy the problem.

"I hope momma can come home with us today."

Guilt washed over her giddy features. Over a month in, and Andrew still struggled with the fact that Alex was in long-term imprisonment. Granted, the sentence could be longer, but eight months was too long considering she had a family at home.

Instead of answering her son's exclamation, she deflected. Something she'd gotten used to doing in the past two months since all this started. She deflected feelings. She deflected questions about Alex or where she was. She deflected any sort of emotional warmth because it wasn't from Alex. Of course, her children showered her in affection, but it wasn't quite the same.

"Babe, when we get there, I need you to be on your best behavior, okay? This is a very serious place."

"Yes, Mommy." The boy was practically bouncing up and down in his car seat as he saw the prison begin to come into view.

She wished she had his mindset. He was going to see his Mama and he was thrilled. He didn't understand that there was so many dangerous things about where his Mama was. He thought this visit to see his Mama was the best thing in the world.

Things with both children had seemed to hit another rough patch. Some days were good, some were bad. Andrew was having trouble adjusting to his sister growing and needing more attention. He had assumed she would just sleep and eat the first year of her life and one day she would just wake up and start walking and talking.

Andrew was mostly complaining about his sister, but Piper had also caught him in the act of intentionally upsetting her. She knew he loved her because he still was very helpful, sweet, and protective, but there were still those days where he just wanted to press everyone's buttons.

…

Thankfully, when they arrived in the prison, they only had to wait out in the waiting room for ten minutes before they were given permission to go on to the visitation room. Andrew had behaved perfectly during the wait but talked constantly about how excited he was to see his Mama.

Andrew quickly noticed the table of toys in the corner and the snack machines in a small glass room off to the side. This was all just another place to him.

Piper hadn't even set their things down on the table before she saw her son take off down the row between the tables.

All she heard was Andrew's voice soften and a soft "Mama" come out before she looked up in time to see her boy crash into her girlfriend.

* * *

She didn't care that there were a dozen other people in the visitation room. She didn't care that tears were welling up in her eyes and slowly beginning to fall.

The moment Alex stepped through the door into the visitation room, every worry, every negative thought, and every criticism she had ever made of herself in the past month had completely washed away when she saw her four-year-old.

The amount of joy on his face was infectious. His blonde hair had gotten lighter from the summer sun. He had maybe even gotten a little taller. His blue eyes were shining bright and his small legs were travelling as fast as they could.

She simultaneously moved her glasses to the top of her head and knelt down just in time for Andrew to come crashing into her open arms.

"Baby." Alex whispered as she smashed Drew's face into the side of her neck and brought him in as close as she possibly could. She couldn't even get another word out due to the lump in her throat that was threatening to burst. From the corner of her eye, she could see Piper setting their things down on the table, allowing them to take their time reuniting.

Her first born, her baby was in her arms after four long weeks of not seeing him and she never wanted to let go. Every day the face he made when he was watching her be handcuffed still plagued her brain and she knew she'd be paying for it the rest of her life.

All too soon, the rough voice of a CO was demanding she break up the affection, but she held on a little longer. A shot was worth being able to have her boy in her arms.

"Mama." Andrew drew back from his mother's embrace and let his little hands frame her face.

When Andrew looked at her, Alex felt as if he was analyzing her soul. He cradled her face with such fragility. It wasn't until he wiped a tear from her face that she mustered up the confidence to say something without breaking down.

"Hi, bud." Alex let her hand run down the side of his face.

"I'm sorry to break up this sweet love affair, but let's sit down, okay?" The blonde's voice was thick, and her lips were pressed tightly together in attempt to hold back her own tears.

"Mama I want to sit in your lap." Andrew grabbed the raven-haired woman's hand and led her to the open chair across the table.

"Hi, Pipes." Alex leaned across the table and quickly pecked her girlfriends' lips before sitting down and letting Andrew get comfortable in her lap.

"Mama, I _missed_ you."

"I missed you too, babe." Alex wrapped her arms around her son a little bit tighter.

"We brought you pictures of our new house and of me and there's a few of baby Penelope, but she just cries all the time."

Piper rolled her eyes and made eye contact with her girlfriend. There was more to the story than what the four-year-old was giving, and Alex knew since having talked to Piper a couple of times a week.

"Speaking of your sister. Where is she?"

"She's at Popi selling soap." Andrew's tone was nonchalant as he began to take out the pictures from the envelope they had brought in.

"She's selling soap?" A smirk crossed Alex's face.

"Aunt Polly likes to carry her around because she thinks Penelope helps win the customers over."

Alex wasn't the least bit surprised. She had done the same thing when Andrew was born and had to cover the front counter. In the five years she had been the shipping manager at Popi, she had learned that Polly was game to do almost anything to boost sales and nine times out of ten, whatever strategy it was worked.

"Maybe we should put her on the payroll?"

"Why don't you show Mama the pictures we brought, and you can tell her what they are?" For the first time in over a month, Piper finally felt a feeling of peace. Her oldest was where he wanted to be (with his Mama), and she had two of the three most important people with her, although it was only for a little while.

…

"Have you been behaving and helping mommy?"

Instantly Andrew averted Alex's gaze. She already knew the extent of his misbehavior because Piper had been more honest about telling her on the phone, but Alex wanted to see what Andrew would tell her.

"Hey, look at me." The brunette tilted her son's chin up with her index finger. "Why?"

"Mama." He mumbled and tried to bury his face in her neck, but Alex prevented it.

"I've heard what you've been doing." Piper simply looked on at the two without saying a word. "I've heard you've been pestering Penelope a little more often than you should be."

"Penelope cries too much." He tried. "And she _stares_ at me!"

"Penelope cries when you do something she doesn't like. Like taking away her toys or her pacifier. She's still a little baby, bud. So, we have to be careful around her. She only looks at you so much because you're probably doing something that she likes seeing you do."

Andrew was silent. The worst thing in the world to him was being gotten on to by Alex.

"Penelope sent me something for you and I want to read it okay?" The older woman reached for her waist band and pulled out the letter Piper had written but had sent to her, so she'd have it for this visit.

The four-year-old simply nodded.

 _Dear Andrew (AKA: Biggest pain in my 3-month-old life),_

 _Just because I can't talk doesn't mean I don't have something to say. I've been on this earth for a while now and I've seen things - disturbing things - and it's about time you knew what you're in for once I'm old enough to speak my mind...and walk. And not drool everywhere. And not poop my pants. You get my point._

 _I have a few things I'd like to say, so put down your dinosaurs and trains and turn your ears on. I'm only going to say this one time and one time only._

 _First of all, stop complaining about my poop. Yes, it smells. And so, does yours, but you don't have to sit in it until mommy can change you. It wasn't long ago you were in my position, spread eagle for the entire world to see. So back off, dude, and give a girl some room to breathe._

 _I deserve better. Don't think I didn't notice you take away my pacifier while mommy went to get you a snack. My pacifier doesn't just suddenly appear on the couch at the other end of the living room and there's no way my little jello arms can hurl it over there either. Just because I can't talk doesn't mean I can't get my revenge. Why don't you burp me and see what comes up?_

 _I'm small, not stupid. One day I'll be big enough to defend myself, but for now, I'll just lay here, helpless, as you poke at me and take my pacifier when mommy's not looking. But one day...one day._

 _Stop interpreting for me. I know what I'm trying to say. You just told mommy I wanted everyone to watch Land Before Time and we both know I just need a cuddle. You're putting words in my toothless mouth and I'm fed up all the way to my cradle cap. You have your needs and I have mine._

 _Stop blaming me for everything. I know I didn't break it. You know I didn't break it. I can't even move without mommy's help. And yet, in all your four-year-old wisdom, you told mommy I did it to spare yourself from punishment. Shame on you. Besides, I can't even roll over yet so mommy's not buying it. I'll just sit here and try to giggle as she gets onto you. Even if my face doesn't look like I'm laughing, just know that I am on the inside._

 _So, dear and only sibling, in no time at all I will be big enough to defend my rights as an equal member of this family. Until then, enjoy stealing my toys and blaming me for all your problems, because in a few months, I'm going to be all up in your grill. Don't think I don't know where you stash your favorite dinosaurs. I see you putting them underneath the pillows on the couch. I also know that mommy gets mad when she goes to lay down and a plastic dinosaur foot jabs her in the ear. Maybe I can convince her to get rid of them._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Penelope (AKA: Your soon to be worst enemy)_

" _MAMA!_ She can't even hold her head up by herself and she has the guts to write me a letter!" Andrew barely gave Piper a moment to finish the letter before he began his rant.

It took all the strength Piper could muster to bite her tongue and not release the laugh that was threatening to escape from the pit of her belly.

Alex on the other hand was hugging Andrew to her as tight as she could, wishing the days would go by faster so she could go back to spending all her time with her little boy and little girl.

Nicky's "mother", Red, had taken her under her wing and offered her into their "family". She hung around to numb that feeling she had for social companionship, but no matter how times she sat next to Red and listened to her stories about Russia, it didn't compare to her girlfriend and children's company. For the duration of her sentence, she wanted to steer clear of trouble, so she could get home to where her heart was.

"Be nice to your mom, _and_ your sister, okay? Just because she's tiny doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings. Just like you don't like getting your feelings hurt, she doesn't like getting her feelings hurt either." Alex looked on at her girlfriend from across the table, clearly seeing that she was just trying to hold it together emotionally. Her emotions had done a complete turnaround in the past twenty seconds.

"Yes, Mama." Andrew leaned further into Alex's embrace with a sullen face, but within ten seconds he was on a rant to Alex about his new backyard.

…

This visit had hit her harder than she had expected it to. Instead of smiling and laughing the entire time, she choked back tears and focused on her breathing. Seeing Andrew had been so completely different than seeing Penelope. She'd only been in prison for four weeks and she felt as if she'd missed ten years of his life.

Penelope couldn't express her feelings towards the current situation and was content on being held the entire time she visited. She wouldn't even ever remember coming to see her mother in prison. Andrew on the other hand…Andrew had no qualms about letting Alex know that he wanted her home and wanted her home soon. She knew he didn't mean it in a rude way. He simply wanted his Mama home and his old routine back, yet she nor Piper had the heart to tell him that even when Alex did come home, that things would take time to get back to "normal".

Thankfully, Andrew had only shed a few tears when their time was up and left with Piper without any resistance. She thought that maybe this visit was finally what showed Andrew that this was their new normal and she hated herself for it. She had barely gotten to speak to Piper throughout visitation, but she knew that was what was expected since she had brought Andrew.

She had an hour until the kitchen began to serve dinner. That was an hour she had to mentally criticize herself and wallow in her pity because of where she was.

Instead, she pulled out a letter Piper had secretly given her when Andrew wasn't looking. Of course, the letter had to be handed over to the CO who coordinated the strip searches when coming back from visitation. The envelope had already been ripped open to be read and the edges of the pictures were already wrinkled from how they were handled, but it looked as if all the components were still there.

Immediately she noticed it was Piper's handwriting, but it wasn't addressed to her. Instead, it read the other moniker she received four years ago.

 _Hey mama._

 _I'm sorry I missed you today, but mommy decided to give Andrew some time with you just like I had. So, I get to spend the day with Aunt Polly._

 _I'm sure you already know, but I'm three months old! Mommy's been taking a lot of pictures, but I made sure to save my best smile for you. Andrew took a picture with me too, but he was smothering me with love and I got upset. (See the second picture mommy sent)._

Alex pulled the first picture from behind the letter and found a picture of her little girl. Her grin was wide and her mouth toothless, but her joy was so infectious. To the left of Penelope was a chalkboard that read all of this month's developments, her likes and dislikes, her weight, and height. Her likes were obvious, and Alex took pride in already knowing them because they'd been the same since she was born.

Penelope loved her food, she loved being held close, she loved being vocal (and was getting the hang of using it often), and she loved her sleep.

Penelope disliked being smothered, she disliked being alone, and she disliked being naked.

Sure enough the second picture Piper had sent was of Penelope slumping to the side screaming and Andrew attempting to press a kiss to his sister's cheek. It was definitely senior yearbook material. Andrew was still learning how much attention was too much attention with Penelope, but Piper had also told her that Andrew was beginning to learn what set Penelope off. Typical sibling behavior. A part of Alex felt bad for Penelope. The infant was three months old and couldn't defend herself, so she would have to just sit and endure it all until she was old enough to stand up to her brother.

Alex took the photos in for a few more moments before she continued on reading the letter.

 _Since we've moved into our new apartment, I've been having some major FOMO this month. It frustrates mommy, but I see her and Andrew do so many fun things like play in the backyard or set up train tracks down the hallway. I want in on that fun too._

 _I've even been going to work with mommy. Sometimes Andrew goes with us, or he goes with Finn to his babysitter. The people at mommy's work think I'm the cutest thing. Aunt Polly even thinks I'm helping boost the summer sales._

 _Mommy sets up my playpen in yours and mommy's office so I can sleep. Sometimes I don't sleep (Don't tell mommy). Instead, I like to look at everything. I see Andrew's picture on your desk. I see a picture of you and Mommy on your desk. There's even a picture of me when I was just born. Your desk still has papers on it and they stay that way (Mommy gets upset when something is taken from in there)._

 _I watch mommy when I'm supposed to be napping in your office. She puts my playpen right next to your desk. I see her as she types at her keyboard. I see her as she talks on the phone. I see her as she cries when she's overwhelmed. I see her when she feeds me while sitting in your office chair. She's doing the best she can. Every day she smiles a little bit more. Every day she laughs a little bit more. She misses you._

 _Nights are the worst for me and mommy. Sometimes I cry and sometimes she cries. Sometimes we both cry. I'm glad mommy and I are roommates because she's always there and I'm not alone. Plus, Andrew snores just like YOU._

 _Sometimes Andrew sleeps in bed with me and mommy. He has his own room, but mommy doesn't always make him sleep in there. He says he's scared, but I see how he turns away from mommy in bed to act like he's sleeping, but I know he's really watching the cartoons she puts on._

 _I love you, mama. Be strong._

 _Love, Penelope_

"Vause." A young male CO she had never seen before waltzed around the beige concrete barrier and barked her name louder than necessary. She hadn't even had time to bask in the feeling of assurance and affection that had washed over her being after finishing the letter. "Your lawyer is here to see you."

A knot formed in the pit of her stomach. Things had been tense around the prison since it was beginning to experience pay cuts, new workers, and the implementation of new protocol. She'd been strip searched three times last week and neither of them were the non-invasive.

She was only expecting Piper and her son today, not her lawyer too.

* * *

A/N: *waves


	9. Chapter 9

_Clinging to the Future_

 _Chapter 9_

 _Enjoy_

* * *

It was their Sunday morning thing. It always had been. Through Piper's childhood, through the divorce, and random Sundays since he had moved out of the family home. At least once a month, Bill would schedule to make a full pancake breakfast for whoever would appear with his daughter. It was how he learned more about Alex, it was how he learned he was going to be a grandfather for the very first time, and now it was the time that served as a way to ensure his daughter was coping with everything (as well as spend time with his grandkids).

As the man walked up to the door of his daughter's apartment and knocked, he could hear the television in the living room. He stood there for a few moments and no one answered the door. He knocked once more, and no one appeared.

The older man reached for his keys and let himself in. Out of both parents, Piper trusted her father with a key to her home more than her mother. He never had a key to Alex's apartment from before they decided to settle down, but he was given one when they moved into their Brooklyn brownstone and now this one.

Sure enough, as Bill stepped through the threshold and into the living room, he found that the television was on, but there was no one in sight. There were abandoned bottles and infant's stomach drops on the coffee table. That in itself explained how the night went.

The place looked completely deserted.

There were no screams or giggles from anywhere in the house. He poked his head into the backyard and found it empty. The man then continued down the hall. Andrew's room was completely empty. He was positive that their vehicle had been parked out front.

When he approached the doorway to the master bedroom, he walked in on a sight that brought out the best in his daughter.

Piper was reclined back on a mound of pillows with Andrew laying between his mother's legs and his head resting on her thigh. Meanwhile, Penelope was fast asleep next to her mother with pillows surrounding her. Piper's hand was lying on top of Penelope's little belly while the infant's hand rested on top of her mothers.

Like the living room, there were pacifiers and bottles leaning against the headboard above where Penelope was laying. Bill only hoped that these long nights would get better for his daughter and grandchildren. At least until Alex was back home to lend a helping hand.

Bill had his moment when he found out that his daughter's partner was a former drug dealer, and it had taken a few months for him to come to terms with the idea that Alex was trying to start an honest life for herself and the blonde.

Bill could only smile at the sight before him. He snapped a quick photo of the scene and quietly backed himself out of the room to go prepare breakfast.

…

The sounds of pots and pans clanging around the kitchen was something she hadn't woken up to in months now. Alex had occasionally made her breakfast in bed, but it was almost always her that was up before the rest of her family.

There was even a sweet aroma wafting down the hall.

For the slightest amount of time, if she closed her eyes and focused really hard, she could forget about her lover being in prison and imagine that it was Alex in her kitchen making breakfast. She could imagine Alex quietly coming in and retrieving both children so she could have an extra hour of sleep and then eventually she would bring them back in to surprise her with breakfast in bed.

But the moment she opened her eyes again, she was reminded that it was her father in her kitchen. She was immensely thankful for him, but she also wished that it was her girlfriend in the kitchen and that this was all a dream.

The longer she laid there, the more her current reality came to view. She had one child clinging to her leg (which she could no longer feel), and the other child was swaddled tightly and laid in between pillows with one tiny arm hanging out of her wrap. Piper wasn't sure how Penelope did it, but any time she looked away, her little arm had escaped the confines of her swaddle.

"Mommy." Andrew mumbled and clung to Piper's leg when she tried to remove herself from the bed.

"I'm going to help Grandpa make pancakes, alright?" Piper mumbled against the four-year old's wispy, dirty blonde hair. She pulled Andrew from her leg and brought her pillow down for him to lay on.

The little boy mumbled incoherently back to his mother before rolling over and burying his face into the pillow. One of his tiny hands instinctively reached out to find his sister's hand over the pillow, a new thing that he had recently started to do, but Piper didn't complain as long as he didn't wake Penelope up.

Piper simply smiled and bent down to press a kiss to the check that wasn't deeply sunken into the pillow. "Be careful of Penelope."

She adjusted the pillows back around her three-month-old and pressed a kiss to her cheek as well. The thought of moving her to her crib so Andrew wouldn't disturb her had crossed her mind, but she was worried she would wake up in the transition.

Before she left the room, she looked back at her two kids once more, her heart filling with pride that these two were hers and they still looked at her as if she hung the moon. Things had been hard, but she was trying as hard as she could to continue to make things as normal for her kids (mainly Andrew) as possible.

"Good morning, Dad." The blonde smiled as she walked around the small island to prop her chin on her father's shoulder, peering over to see the bacon sizzling in the pan.

"Well hello there." Bill leaned his head over to rest atop his daughters as he flipped the bacon. "It was a long night I see."

"Yeah, sort of." Piper walked over to the sink and began to wash her hands. "Penelope was screaming down the house and it woke Andrew up."

"I'm sorry, dear. If you want to go back to bed for a little while, I can feed and watch both of them."

"They both slept a good seven hours before she woke up so I'm actually feeling pretty good. That's the first good stretch of sleep she's had in a few weeks. I think she just had a little bit of an upset stomach early this morning."

The blonde truly appreciated her father. He always went completely out of his way to ensure they were taken care of. In contrast, she hadn't even heard a word from her mother since Penelope was born a little over three months ago, and that had been a simple "Congratulations."

"Then at least sit down and enjoy the peace and quiet while you have it. Breakfast will be ready in about fifteen minutes." Bill smiled at his daughter before beginning to rummage in the refrigerator.

…

Piper had approximately thirty minutes to sit and relax, as well as eat most of her breakfast before she heard the beginning squawks of a particular infants crying fest.

As soon as she heard her father's chair scrape against the floor, she put her arm out to stop him. She appreciated his initiative, but she was the one who could provide what Penelope needed. Her own body could sense it, she was just waiting for the infant to sense it too.

She knew what Penelope wanted, and what Penelope wanted, Bill couldn't provide.

"I got her, Dad." Piper took one last bite of her biscuit and stood up. "You sit and eat."

Bill smiled sincerely as he pulled himself back up to the table.

As Piper made her way down the short hallway, she noticed that her infants' screeches had turned into small whines. Soothing herself was something that Penelope was far from being able to do because of how young she was, but Piper could hope that the silence she was hearing was her infant working on it. Piper longed for the days when her children could be a little more independent. It never failed, when she was helping Andrew, Penelope would scream, and vice versa, when she was tending to Penelope's needs, Andrew would long for her attention.

When she pushed the door open, she found the sweetest sight a parent could ever lay their eyes on.

Andrew was stood next to the bed with Penelope propped up high on his shoulder. He was gently rubbing his hand around her tiny back and the blonde could faintly hear her son doting on her with compliments about how pretty she was and how her big brother was there to help her. The action might not seem like much to him, but to Piper, it made her feel so much happiness. It was these moments that made this terrifying journey as a single parent with an incarcerated partner a little more bearable.

Penelope seemed to be somewhat content and Piper couldn't help but take in the moment.

Andrew had no clue that Piper was behind him.

He tried so hard to be so very helpful to Piper and she was grateful for that. After having a talk about his attitude with Alex, he was a brand-new kid around his little sister and mother. It was all gentle caresses and kind words, instead of his pestering and brash behavior. He now understood that he had a responsibility and that was to look out and protect his baby sister. It gave him a "job" to keep up with and report back to Alex about, which was almost always the highlight of his week when he got to talk to her about it on the phone. Essentially, he was the one updating his mama on Penelope's development and everything she was learning because he watched out for her and he knew his Mama was missing out on so much.

Piper wouldn't have broken up the love affair had her chest not been tingling from the need to nurse, but she knew what the outcome of going to long without nursing was. The young mother quickly pulled out her phone and snapped a few pictures and short video before making her presence known.

"Hey babe." The blonde gently ran a hand down the back of Andrew's sandy blonde hair and offered a smile. "Thanks for calming her down."

"She kind of woke me up with her screaming, but that's okay because she's a baby." Andrew tilted his head towards his sister's wobbling one to provide the extra amount of affection.

Piper giggled at her son's commentary and gently took Penelope from her son's grasp. She would be lying if it didn't terrify her to see her four-year-old holding her daughter while not sitting down, but she also didn't want to criticize him and cause him to revert back to his old behaviors.

"Thank you so much for being so kind and gentle with her." Piper swiftly sat down against the headboard and situated herself and Penelope to nurse. Andrew had already migrated towards his mother's side to closely watch his baby sister. "You're a really big help, babe."

Andrew may not have actually comprehended how much pain and change Piper was going through, but he could sense it. As the days went by, he grew more sensitive to his mother and sister and their needs.

The four-year-old simply nodded and leaned his head on Piper's shoulder while he continued to look on at his sister.

The blonde put her free arm around her son and held him close, letting him soak up all the love and attention he needed.

"Grandpa has pancakes ready in the kitchen, if you're hungry."

Andrew perked up and bolted towards the door before he stopped himself and turned around.

Without saying a word, he gently placed a kiss on Penelope's head and then craned his neck up to get a kiss from his mother.

"Love you." Piper whispered, staring straight into her sons' eyes that looked exactly like her lovers. This morning was the start of a good day. She could feel it. She longed for more of these good days. Or more simply, these moments where she felt like things were okay.

More often than not she had the gnawing and sick feeling in her stomach from all the anxiety and worry she had about Alex and their current situation. Some days, it took everything she had to get up and get herself and her kids ready for the day. Every day she stared at her phone, debating on calling into work because she couldn't bare anymore stress on her already full plate, but she needed the money and the distraction.

But today, the first day in a while, those feelings were absent.

"I love you, too, mommy!" Andrew bolted out of the bedroom and soon she heard the sweet greetings between her dad and his grandson.

This morning was a good morning.

* * *

"Relax, babe. She'll be fine." Piper chuckled as she gazed down at her three-month-old who was laying on her soft pink towel in the nude. An early morning blowout meant an early morning bath.

"Do you have some sun-shades for her? Or sunscreen?" Piper found Alex's worrying to be quite humorous. Since she had taken their first born to see her in prison, her girlfriend had been more insistent on learning about every small detail of their days. She was trying to live vicariously through Piper.

"Alex, she's too young for sunscreen because babies' skin is so sensitive." Piper wedged the phone in between her ear and shoulder and began to later her infant in lotion. "I'm hoping she'll sleep a good portion of the party so she can just stay inside in her carrier."

The line went silent for a moment. All the blonde could hear was the chatter of the prison in the distance.

"What's been going on with you, Al?"

No response.

"Alex?"

"I'm here." Piper could hear something change in her lover's voice. "My lawyer stopped by after you and the kids left a few weeks ago."

Instantly the blonde's stomach began to form knots. There were so many possibilities and outcomes from a lawyer visit. But also, she had seen her girlfriend at visitation twice since she had taken both children to visit her. She was confused as to why she was just now hearing about this.

There hadn't been anything different in Alex's demeanor either time she had seen her. The last two times she had traveled to the prison, she had gone by herself, meaning their conversations had been more meaningful and appropriate for two grown adults instead of the censored and simple conversations they had to have in front of their children.

"Al, that was three weeks ago. Why are you just now telling me?"

"It was just an informal visit. He wanted to make sure I was settling in okay and that I was behaving." Penelope's jerking movements pulled Piper from the state of shock she was in. "He filled me in on my case and he's working on filling in some gaps we have in the timeline. Apparently, we've been tailed by incognito pigs for months and we just never noticed."

"What?" For some reason that provided some relief to Piper, yet she also wondered why it took so long for them to arrest Alex. Throughout her whole pregnancy with Penelope, she always had this uneasy feeling, and she had just associated it with the hormones, but now it all made sense.

"Yep. He had pictures of us leaving your pregnancy appointments, taking Drew to the park, _leaving the hospital two days after we had Penelope_ …"

"Why didn't they show you any of these during your questioning?" The blonde began to dress her infant with the phone wedged between her ear and shoulder.

"That's what I mean, Pipes. He's finding more information to fill in those gaps in the timeline." Piper could hear what she assumed was a guard yelling at inmates to wait patiently for the phones. She couldn't think about prison conditions right now, she needed to focus on Alex's voice and what she was telling her.

"Do you think they're tailing me? I carried drug money once. Am I next?" The blonde began to ramble. "Alex, we have _kids._ "

That was a sentence she found that her and Alex both had said a countless amount of times the past few months.

 _They had kids._

This whole situation would be different had they not been responsible for two young and innocent children whom they loved dearly. But they had chosen to embark on the family path, and they wouldn't take any of it back for a second even if it got them out of their current situation.

"Pipes, you're safe. I promise. You've already passed the statute of limitations for that."

"Do they know?" The blonde was shocked, but surprisingly relieved at the same time. "Alex what the -."

"Piper, you have to understand, I didn't give your name. You did that within the first six months we were together, we've been together for almost fifteen years now. Everything is fine, babe."

"Alex you know how the system is! They can weasel their way into anything and turn it around on me."

"Pipes, would you just listen. I can get out earlier and I can explain if you would just stop talking."

The blonde went quiet.

…

"P." Andrew whined while dragging his hands down his face. "We don't eat our hands or scream in the car."

Piper glanced into the rear-view mirror and found her oldest reaching across the backseat to pull his sister's hands from her mouth. All she could do was smile. For once she felt like maybe things were settling down into their new "normal". She was given relatively new information that could either end in something good or nothing at all.

"At least it's happy screams and not mad screams like they usually are." Piper laughed. Penelope had recently started to find her little voice as well as her own little personality. It made those long nights a little more tolerable when she was able to look down and find her little one smiling back up at her.

"Inside voices, Penelope."

"Are you excited for fireworks tonight, babe?"

Polly had been on her case for weeks about coming to her house for a small Fourth of July get together with their Popi employees and close friends. Initially, Piper had been hesitant to go. Outings with both kids were still something she was getting used to. Sometimes being around couples just rubbed her the wrong way considering how her girlfriend was suddenly ripped away from her. But she needed that human interaction. More specifically, she needed an adult conversation.

"Yep!" Andrew flashed two thumbs up with a big grin before returning his attention back to Penelope. "I'm going to draw a picture for mama to put in her letter for this week."

"Sounds like a great plan, babe."

So much was running through her head when it came to Alex. Their phone call this morning had introduced some new information that both made Piper nervous and somewhat hopeful at the same time, but things were still so unclear.

…

And sometimes it just hits her.

No warnings. No signals. No alarms.

It doesn't matter where she is. It has no mercy.

Her world just suddenly comes crashing down with no hesitation.

Sometimes it takes one glance. One sound. One touch. And the tears start to pour.

She doesn't have any explanation for it. Well, she does. Her life is essentially in shambles, but she thought things were getting better now that she was settling down into the new normal.

But she refuses to address it in hopes that not addressing it will cause it to go away. Or her body would just sort of find its new normal, but so far it hadn't happened yet.

So here she was sitting on the floor of Polly's bathroom with Penelope in her grasp, sobbing uncontrollably. She felt as if her chest was caving in and her vision was getting blurry. It was all she could do to lower herself to the ground and lean against the wall.

Things had been fine. She had been sitting on the deck mingling with her co-workers from Popi. Her youngest cradled in her arms and her oldest was running about the backyard with Finn.

And then it had come out of nowhere. She had felt sick, her hands had become clammy, and she couldn't stand still.

It was all she could do to mutter an excuse about changing Penelope's diaper before she barreled into Polly's home looking for a safe space.

She was sure everyone on the first floor of Polly's townhome could hear her guttural cries. She couldn't imagine what she must look like.

And poor Penelope, half naked from a diaper change, staring right up at Piper without blinking. Three months old and she'd already seen her mother have more breakdowns than bouts of laughter.

These episodes came in waves. She could have multiple in a week or none. She hadn't really paid any attention to them or what brought them on. Terms like PTSD, Post-Natal Depression, and Anxiety had been thrown around when talking to Polly, and even Alex had mentioned it, but she associated it with all the stress she was carrying.

Things had to settle down soon. They just had to.

* * *

Hi. Long time, no update on like anything. I know. I'm working on it. I promise.

Thanks for all the support!

Happy Spring Break!

Cheers from the beaches of Mexico! I'm off to get more beer.


End file.
